Monday, January 26, 2009

There Is “No Coffee”

We’ve all gotten that phone call: the one that sends your day into an utter tailspin. That.. “Why don’t we get together for coffee sometime” call. Sure from the outside, it may just seem like an innocent invite, but it’s the person on the other end of the phone that makes this call absolutely… awkward. Your Ex.

Did you hear it?.. That sound??.. Yeah, that was the sound of car brakes screeching to a halt, much like your heart rate, and the rest of the world… or at least yours. There’s nothing worse than a sneak attack, a phone call ambush. Just when you think you’ve gotten to the point where you can honestly say you’ve moved on and are finally picking up the pieces, one ring of the phone can upset the balance of your tiny little universe. Just like that.

What is so wrong with one little meeting?.. You were friends before you started dating. Besides, its just coffee. What harm could an hour of conversation over some overpriced Starbucks latte concoction really do?...

Then your voice of reason chimes in… with an angry bitch slap to the face. SLAP! (That’s gonna leave a mark.) Wake up Sterger!.. This isn’t about coffee. It was never about coffee. Hell, you don’t even DRINK coffee. This is something different all together. What harm could this little meeting cause, you ask??... Hm, I think they made a movie about it.. it’s called The Day After Tomorrow.

I know all this may sound a tad over dramatic, but for those of you who have been following the soap opera that has been my personal life over the past year or so, you can attest that my storyline has been the kind of material that wins Daytime Emmy Awards. (HA! Take that Susan Lucci!!!...) To say my last relationship was a tumultuous one, well.. that would be a vast understatement. There were so many lies, so many problems, and a finale so long and drawn out, that even the flying dog from the Neverending Story would have thrown up his paws and said.. “eff this, I am out.”

I should have prefaced all of this with: been there, done that. Got the really swoot t-shirt. I have had the “coffee meeting.” A month post the initial break up. And we both decided that what we had was worth giving a real honest shot. Only half of us wasn’t being honest, and it left the other one of us.. just doing shots. The bickering went on. The lies went on. And in the end.. the last sip.. we both agreed our “coffee” had gotten stale.

Once coffee’s gone stale, there’s no bringing it back from the dead. Its flat, its bland, there’s no aroma. It’s simply a cup of dirty water. You can put all the cream and fancy sweeteners in a cup of freshly brewed black coffee, but if the coffee itself isn't quality stuff or its turned stale, it's still going to taste like crap.

Revisiting the past is just a bad idea, not only for myself, but for people in general. I’ve spent the past six months of my life cleaning up the mess the other half left behind, and I can finally say I’m on my way to being happy again. Bringing up old memories only sets you back. There aren’t enough psychological drugs or therapy sessions that would ever make my previous situation a viable one, so why even bother?.. Sure, I have my ups and downs, but time heals that. I’ve found myself again, and more importantly, I’ve surrounded myself with good people. People who deserve an honest chance to be a part of my life, and not one clouded by the cream in my stale cup of coffee. It’s not fair to drag a good person into my unresolved situation for the sake of not being lonely. In the end, they’ll simply be the innocent bystander in my mess. And I would never want to put someone through the same thing I’ve been through.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t drink the stuff. I mean, if you’re looking for the rush there’s always soda, tea, and of course energy drinks. At least they don’t leave you with that awful breath that smells like two-day old bologna. And for this girl they certainly don’t bring about the bad memories like a cup of joe does.

There’s no doubt that the smell of freshly brewed coffee is comforting and familiar. But no matter how good it may smell, to this girl.. it has and always will taste like crap


Dom said...

I don't know the details of your breakup but I can relate to what you went through. My ex and I broke up after eleven (11) years together in Jan '08. This was supposed to be the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with and one day she decided she did not know what she wanted anymore. She was not sure about the man that loved her unconditionally, never cheated on her, was her lover and best friend, spoiled her, wanted to share life together, the house, the dogs and cats. I could go on but I think you get the picture.

I was devasted and heartbroken over her decision but you can't force anyone to love you or want to be with you. I cried everday from Jan 5, 2008 to Jan 12, 2009. I had so many questions and no answers. Eventually, some answers seen the light of day with many lies. The communication between has dwindled and I only hear from her when she needs something.

On Jan 12th 2009, I decided it was time to move on and have. I am still dealing with cleaning up some messes but you are right about time healing things and surrounding yourself with good people. It really helps getting you back to that better place.

Sorry for the rant and spilling my personal situation to you and the rest of the world.

Btw, I don't like coffee either! :)

Take care,


sneaker said...


Come on you just destroyed the way I'll look at my coffee forever. Ouch!!! It's been a minute, dont' even want to talk about that Jersey Team. You knew that with the Super Bowl coming down to your neck of the woods there was going to be some call coming through. That was the Ice Breaker because if your doing the party rounds this week you were going to see the punk.

Better Coffee than over some alcoholic drinks and then it's the morning and his arm is on your hair.

No I got my coffee MOJO back......LOL

I guess being from the South and us Northerners need to have something warm us up in the winter time.

At least we all know now never to hit you up for coffee and never to look for you at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts.

Be Safe, Can we get some better updates, incorporate twitter on here, lol...


iwatchthenba said...

I hate coffee too.

Anonymous said...

Oh boy. Here we go again.
I guess that with you Jenn things of the past just can’t stay in the past.
I mean look at where you stand now, you got a great career ahead of you but still you let yourself get roll-over by situations that simply could be avoided.
I don’t mean that you should neglect on people that are your friends, but when it comes to Ex’s, there’s usually a short line between them just wanting your support and still trying to maintain a grip on you just because they cant move on with their lives.
If you keep this up it’s going to eat you inside out, until there will come the day where you simply won’t be able to trust in another person for a relationship.
This Ex of yours, you said it very clear he wasn’t true to you, he left your life in a mess and now that you where starting to glue back the pieces of your heart, he comes again and starts playing with your heart.
And you know what the worst part is?!
You let him do it; I mean you could have simply said “Sorry that door is closed to you. What? You broke my heart and now you want to have a coffee?”
And I’m only saying this because you said that you spend the last six months picking up the pieces, and if I know this much of you, six months isn’t nearly enough time for you to forget the lies and betrayals, and if that pain is still within you, coffee is surely out off the question.
Even if the guy said that he went to the doctor and was told that he only had a few months to live the only thing that I would do for him would be to simply give him a call and deal with the problems in that manner.
More than that would mean that either you have no self-respect or that you’re quick to forget the pain that other people caused you.
You may be thinking right now “Damn this guy is cruel!” well I’m not cruel, I simply am not to fond off just forgive a person that as hurt me; damn if your Ex needs to confess then he can go and talk to a priest.
You now what is the great problem with Ex’s?!
Is that some of them only realize what they have lost once they don’t have it anymore; and if someone is so stupid that he or she doesn’t realize what type off person they have right beside them is the right person then we are better off without them.
So Jenn do yourself a favor and stop letting the past drag you down, look yourself in the mirror.
Do you know how many guys are out there, that if given the chance they would love you for all you are and not for what you got?!
I can tell you right now that, that river is filled with fish; you just have to be patient and let them come to you.
Honestly I really think that you need a coffee or at least a super-large dose of caffeine to see if you finally wakeup and understand that if a relationship didn’t work once it most certainly wont work again.
I understand that in your line of work, many times you might feel lonely and you would like to have someone to share the ups and downs of your life; but just because you feel that, it doesn’t mean that you have to hang on to the past to feel a bit of happiness.
You’re stronger than that Jenn, and if you don’t see that then no one else will see it for you.
So, stay strong Jenn; ok you don’t like coffee and you need that extra power up, then start practicing some extreme sports, I assure you the adrenaline will flow through you like if a dam as just collapsed; if you’re not that extreme sports fan then find something else to get your energies flowing, just don’t cling to the past, that will only hurt you more.
All the best to you Jenn, if you read and follow my words I assure you, you wont regret it.

Superchibisan said...

so im here late.

did you go out with him for "coffee"?

Anonymous said...

Yeah i'll admit i can't really say i've been there done that. My worst relationship i don't even know if you can call it that cause it was all of 6 months. Which honestly was the last relationship i've had which since then i haven't dated any one and that was 4 yrs ago. But i have to say even though alot of people who read this just have a glimpse at the cover of what you call your life, and we can only know what you want people to read. But there are people out there that wish you the best and want you to be happy. Cause every young lady like yourself, women and girl deserves happiness. And you deserve so much and to be dragged down emotionally like that sucks. And in turn i wish you nothing but the best and wish you a happy and great life. I'm sorry that guys can be such assholes in life and that us guys have no real insight to the real meaning of what women and young ladies feel when it comes to feelings and emotions. I think guys put women though way to much emotionally and i wish that we could feel just a tiny bit of what we put yall though so it makes us aware of what goes on. But unfortunitly most guys will blow it off. And to let you know there are people here for you, who will listen. One of these days i'll send you a message on facebook. But if you are ever in the Winston-Salem, Greensboro N.C. maybe we can hang out and chat over dinner. There are a couple of descent resturants around here. Best of wishes to you, Daniel Cassidy.