Introducing Cherry Bomb

Admin Update: Introducing Cherry Bomb

Cherry Bomb is sexy, smart, confident, and above all, extremely motivated. Director Kyle Day and writer Garrett Hargrove didn’t just want an actress that could play the part, they needed an actress that actually embodies those qualities that define Cherry. She needs to be a woman that stands out in a crowd of thousands… and then kick everyone’s ass if necessary. We found just that kind of sweetheart…..

Jenn Sterger stood out in a sea of 50,000 people at an FSU game, and once she made her first impression on the world, she has not slowed down. Voted by E! as one of the 20 hottest women on the web, a talented writer for Sports Illustrated, featured in Maxim magazine, and with a huge online following, Jenn is one badass woman that now is taking on feature films with that same tenacity that made her a success in every other arena. With two pictures already under her belt, she gave us an audition that showed an incredible range of character and it left no doubt in our minds that Jenn Sterger is the woman capable of taking Cherry along her wild journey.

Cherry Bomb logline:
Its 1984. An exotic dancer named Cherry has just watched the five men who assaulted her walk free with the help of a corrupt police force. Seeing no justice coming from within the system Cherry enlists the help of her brother and they take the law into their own hands and seek justice on their own terms… one bullet at a time. But with a professional hitman after them and the police closing in, Cherry is forced to put herself and her loved ones in harm’s way to satisfy her need for revenge and her desire to end the corruption that is plaguing the city.

Cherry Bomb

“Well .. What does THAT mean?”

It was a Sunday brunch not too long ago, where a few of my girlfriends and I sat around trying to decode a five word text from a boy, as if we were the archaeologists who had just discovered hieroglyphics weren't intricate finger paintings. I mean, it was a simple five word text: “I had a great time.”

“It means what it says it means,” said Stuart, our brutally honest window into the not so pretty world that is the male psyche. “Why are you women always reading into things?”

“But that is so generic. I mean, he could just be being polite,” my girlfriend countered.

“Hmmm. I don’t think so.”

“How do you know he’s interested?”

“Oh.. He's interested.”

“How can you tell? Because if he wasn't he just wouldn't text you back anything.”

Stuart was right. Here we were three intelligent girls, sitting around, reading texts that were written at a first grade reading level, and we could barely comprehend their collective meaning. The guy might as well have written her in wingdings.

With all the different means of communication we have available to us, why is the gap between men and women getting seemingly larger?... Cell phone companies pride themselves on fave five plans and unlimited texting, (and my ultimate vice of Blackberry Messenger--BBM), but really humans are doing far less effective communicating, and only adding a lot more confusion to an already baffling dating world.

I too am absolutely guilty of using technology as a crutch, mainly because… I hate talking on the phone. It’s a well documented fact I have awful phone etiquette. It’s nothing I do on purpose, and I actually am quite embarrassed by it. Maybe it’s my ADD, or my inability to multitask while having a conversation—I tired chewing gum once, big mistake.. huge. It’s certainly become a huge issue when it comes to conference calls, too. My usually dynamic personality is reduced to single syllables, some of which aren’t even in the English dictionary. “Mmm-Hmm mmm-hmm. Ok. Goodbye.” 2 years of public speaking classes, down the drain.

And don’t get me even started on voicemails. I leave voicemails like John Favreau in Swingers, progressively more awkward, and not sure how to end the one sided conversation I have ended up having. And that is sober. Throw in some a night at the pub with my buddies and transient Southern accent, and you’ll swear Daisy Duke is drunk dialing you from knee deep in Uncle Jesse’s moonshine stash.

Sometime during the 9th grade, I believe I discovered texting, and my parents discovered unlimited texting plans. SMS Texting was such a brilliant idea. It eliminated the need for the awkward phone call, it made sending stupid number codes through pagers obsolete, and it killed time during those brutally long hours of Mr. Stookey’s Physics class. With texting, I was unstoppable. I was poetic, I was composed. I was less of a bumbling idiot, and that really seemed to help me with the boys.

One night, Alicia and I found ourselves eavesdropping on the group of guys’ conversation at the table next to us. They were debating whether or not to drunk text these girls they had met earlier that night, and strategizing what to say.

"Put a winky face dude. Chicks love the winky face."
(The male brain ladies and gentlemen.. Hard at work.)

REALLLLLLLLLY guys?? Were we women really that easy to figure out? I laughed at their rationalizations and returned to my plate of syrup drenched pancakes. Ah. Boys. Alicia and I knew a few boys like this. One in particular with an affinity for the internet slang term “LOL.” His use of the word while texting was beyond incessant and the greater majority of the time was completely inappropriate. We’re not even sure he knew what LOL even meant.

“Hey what's up? Lol.”
“Just got fired form my job. Lol.”
“Dropped a weight on my foot at the gym. Lol.”

To which, I say, “No sweetie, that’s not LOL, that’s FML. “

Besides that, men text like they are being charged by the letter while women text like they're trying to win a Pulitzer. I asked my guy friends why this was. They explained they text for basic functions in life, to get to the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE. They don’t need details or cute little stories. If you have them, just pick up the freakin' phone. Which brings me back to our original conversation and the five word text. Women are always looking for answers, hidden meanings to things guys text. We can’t help it; It’s how our brains are programmed. Guys are much more willing to accept things at face value. If you say you’re cool, you’re cool. There’s no tone or body language to set off alarms otherwise, so why worry about what you might have meant. Maybe that’s why sometimes men just don't grasp a woman’s constant excuses as to why they can't hang out, no matter how ludicrous they may seem are really just the girl’s way of saying.. I'm just not interested.

And the worst part of texting?.. There is no UNSEND button. You may spend twenty minutes crafting that response to the date of your dreams, hit send... then realize. Damn. That was quite possibility the dumbest text ever transmitted. But it’s gone. There’s no turning back. You have to just pray the person on the receiving end of it has a sense of humor, or doesn’t mistake you for some wacko. This also applies to drunk texting. See www.textsfromlastnight.com.

I think when it comes to communication; nothing beats a “face to face.” Maybe that's why we should all just cut through the BS, look each other in the eye whenever possible. “I like you, you like me.” It’s really as simple as that. Besides, it’s so much easier to read the other person when they're standing right in front of you. Heck, with Skype, even long distance face to face is completely possible. (Men are visual creatures anyway.) You can see the person, you can see them react, their mannerisms, and just as importantly, they can better read you. Body language however primitive is still probably the most telling form of communication. Hell, if cavemen could figure out this whole mating thing, surely there must be hope for modern civilization yet.
>
If we can learn anything from the technology at our hands, it’s that nothing still beats a real meeting of minds. That way there’s no second guessing, no misinterpreting, and no awkward pauses. None of this.. “well, what does he mean by that?” Because if he is standing right in front of you, odds are you know the answer already.

And if you still insist on texting, remember one thing…

Chicks dig the winky face. ; )

Admin Update: Jenn Sterger performing at 12 Angry Mascots in NYC

12 Angry Mascots - NYC's Only Sports Comedy Variety Talk Show!

All-original sports-themed stand-up and sketch comedy hosted by Scott Rogowsky and Neil Janowitz.














***FEATURED GUESTS THIS MONTH: FSU Cowgirl and Playboy model JENN STERGER along with Ryan Grant - Running Back for the Green Bay Packers!***

Opening: Myq Kaplan (Live at Gotham, NY Comedy Contest Winner)

Sports stand-up from Pat O'Shea (Ed Sullivan On Acid)

12 ANGRY MASCOTS is the Tri-County Area's only variety/talk show devoted to that touchstone of all humankind endeavors: sports. Scott Rogowsky (The Onion) and Neil Janowitz (ESPN) welcome the Eastern Seaboard's finest sketch actors and comedians to mock the jocks and spoof the sports scene in a grand slam-packed show that culminates with a celebrity guest athlete interview. This show features live Wimbledon updates, NBA Draft coverage, sexy sports babe Jenn Sterger, and one pissed off Boston fan. These mascots aren't angry for nothing.

Click here to buy tickets
ADVANCE TICKETS - $10
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $15

Role Models

Having spent the past few years amidst members of the sports world, I've seen my fair share of sports lates, greats, and just down right embarrassing. I make no bones about the fact my niche in sports lies mainly in color commentary, first person perspectives, and behind the scenes stories. After all, not too many men want their play-by-play handed to them by a woman, just like I don't want fashion advice from Deion Sanders or Craig Sager. My stories, whether they’re articles or special interest pieces for broadcast, have always been about the people behind the numbers on their backs.

After all at the end of the day, athletes are really just people who happen to be better at a particular skill than the average lot of us. That doesn't stop some of them from creating this huge, larger-than-life persona about them though. No matter how big or small the star, I've always found it interesting the way they seem to handle themselves both in a professional and public arena. Part of being a superstar is accepting the responsibility of becoming a role model, someone kids and sometimes even grown men can look up to and admire. That's not to say that they aren’t allowed to make mistakes, after all we’re all human. It does mean however, they should hold themselves to being a higher caliber of human being.

When you get to superstar status, you get to make superstar salaries. You see paychecks some people would see as downright extortion all for your talents and abilities at your particular sport of expertise. This opportunity breeds more opportunity for endorsements, exposure, etc. Hell, people may even make puppets that look like you! (I’m still waiting on mine, Nike!) But one thing I can’t stand is when an athlete adopts a cause in the forefront, while not standing up for its ideals in his real life. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in front of a television and watched a commercial for anti-tobacco campaigns where a team’s marquee “faces” all deliver a “mmm drugs are bad, mmmkay” message, only to later spot them lighting up in public. Now I'm not judging anyone, but isn't that just a tad hypocritical? It was enough to make me want to throw my bowl of popcorn at the screen and shout.. “LIAR!!!!!”

Since moving to NYC, I've lent a hand to various charities as a means of trying to immerse myself in the community, meet new people, and just feel more proactive in my own life. Problem is, it was hard to find any cause that allowed me to be as hands on as I wanted to be. It seemed all these charities were all about throwing these big elaborate expensive dinners that only the likes of Donald trump and NY royalty could really afford. What about the people who wanted to get their hands dirty and actually “do work” in the community? Then, my management team at PR/PR and one of their clients, NY Giants Offensive Tackle Dave Diehl, introduced me to Project Sunshine. And like that, I had found my home.

Growing up, my grandparents were always very involved in my life. They were the kind of grandparents that were at every awards ceremony, every Friday night football game (to watch the band of course), and every bowling tournament I ever participated in. I still largely credit my grandfather for teaching me how to bowl, as he was the only one capable of removing my head from my ass when I was having an off day. He was forever an inspiration to me, always about making other people smile, and never knowing a stranger. In short, he was my superhero. Even when he was diagnosed with his second bout of lung cancer. Having watched my grandfather fight and eventually lose his battle, I knew all too well all the hardships patients with the disease face: losing hair, weight, and some their will to live. All things that come with grueling chemo treatments, invasive medical procedures, and extended hospital stays. Not to mention what it did to my grandmother and my mom. After all, cancer doesn't just affect the patient; it touches their families as well.

Sometimes cancer patients and those facing other life-threatening illnesses, especially young children, would find themselves enduring extended stays in hospitals. The overnight stays in hospital chairs, and lobby couches can take their toll even on the most doting parents. They simply can't afford to live day and night there or they'd lose their jobs, their sleep, and possibly their sanity.

That's where Project Sunshine comes in. P.S. started as one college aged kid’s dream to make children’s stays at hospitals a little less scary. To be that one thing every day a kid could look forward to: a new face, a new playmate that was there solely for the sake of making their day better. You’re not only putting a smile on a kid’s face, you’re helping a parent know that they’re not fighting this battle alone. I've made numerous trips to various hospitals with Project Sunshine, and attended their banquet dinner they held to raise money. I’ve seen first hand the far reaching effects P.S. has not only had in the NYC community, but in their satellite branches as well. And out of all the amazing experiences I have had in the past five years, I've found helping these kids to be the most rewarding.

And I’m not the only one. Recently, I learned of a Project Sunshine success story that really hit home. Literally and figuratively. New York Yankees centerfielder Brett Gardner recently volunteered to escort Babe Ruth’s granddaughter, Linda Ruth Tosetti, to read to kids at a local New York hospital, where he befriended an 18 year old girl, Alyssa, who had been awaiting a heart transplant since January. The girl often watched the televised games from inside her hospital room as well as the lights of the New Yankee Stadium from her hospital room at night. So she was beyond ecstatic when she learned a real live Yankee would be coming to visit the hospital.

That day she gave Gardner a P.S. bracelet and told him… “Keep this you’ll hit a homerun.” Gardner just kinda laughed and graciously put on the bracelet. Even he thought to himself, “but I don’t hit homeruns.” In fact, Gardner wasn’t even scheduled to be in the line up that night.

But fate, as it often does, had other plans. During the third inning, Johnny Damon was ejected from the game, and Gardner was sent in to replace him. And with Gardner’s first at bat that night, he hit the very first ever inside the park homerun in the new Yankee Stadium.

Unfortunately, Alyssa did not get to see it.

That’s because that very night after waiting over 100 days, Alyssa received her new heart. The following day in the recovery room, Alyssa’s parents replayed the game for her, and showed her Gardner’s at bat. As she watched him run the base path, she smiled at the TV and said, “he’s running for me.”

That night, Brett Gardner became Alyssa’s superhero. But more importantly she became his.

People faced with medical issues, particularly young children, are some of the bravest people you will ever meet. That was certainly the case with my grandfather. Even when he lost all the weight, and much of his strength, he never lost his will to put a smile on others faces with his quick wit, his sarcasm, and his never ending pranks. I’m still convinced my grandfather held on as long as he did, because he knew we were fighting with him. I would go over to my grandparent’s house and feed him Ben & Jerry’s “Phish Food” ice cream every day after school in his final weeks. And while he really couldn’t stand the sweetness of the stuff, he enjoyed my company and seeing my smile.

Then one Friday night I had to stay after school to perform in a concert, the first function of mine my grandfather had ever missed. Turns out, he didn’t. My grandfather passed that evening. I’m still convinced he saw me play that night, and knows how incredibly awful I felt that I wasn’t there with him. More importantly, I know he knows I loved him more than anything. I haven’t been able to eat “Phish Food” since. That day I lost my superhero. But it made me become one of my own.

If my grandfather taught me anything, it’s that you don't have to be a 6'5 300+ pound superstar, or hit 30 homeruns a year to put a smile on someone’s face. You simply have to show you care… you have to give them someone to believe in. He was one of the most selfless men I have ever met in my life, and I hope that he’d be proud of the person I’ve become and the work I do for others today.

Maybe if we all found a role model within ourselves, the world would be a much different place. All it takes is YOU. Whether its volunteering your time at a soup kitchen or signing up to become a Big Brother or Big Sister, we can all make a difference. I promise you won’t end up with a kid like the ones from “Role Models”, and the experience will not only enrich your life, but those of the people you help. If you have to ask how much difference one person can make, then ask a child. After all, children are some of the most brutally honest people you will meet. And believe me when I tell you that they'll say the difference… means the world to them.

For more information on Project Sunshine please visit www.projectsunshine.org

Home is where the __________ is

This week, I had a short interlude from my busy shooting schedule in NYC for a quick jaunt down to my hometown of Lutz, and it couldn’t have come a moment sooner. I had reached one of those breaking points, the kind where I found myself snipping at others, arguing with my close friends… heck, I think I may have given a guy who was harassing me on the street THE finger. Southern hospitality had long escaped my nature, and that was totally uncharacteristic of my usually sunny disposition. I had to get out.

The weird part was that I had already spent a lot of time on the road the past few weeks with the Venom campaign getting ready to kick into full swing, random photo shoots, time spent working with Project Sunshine, various charity organizations I had pledged my efforts to, and long nights on the movie set… I really hadn’t spent that much time in NYC. Yet, I had somehow come to loathe it once more. There were days I would walk through the city and the weather would be beautiful, and I think to myself, “Wow, I could actually make it here.” But then there were the other kinda days where I would look outside at the ominous clouds.. and think.. “Check Please.”

So after a long day of shooting, I boarded a plane for home. My dad greeted me at the other end of my journey with open arms, then immediately launched into questions about work, my apartment, etc. etc. etc. Didn’t I leave NYC to get away from all this????.. I quickly changed the subject to my time in Indy, and he seemed none the wiser. Whew, dodged that bullet for now.

Upon walking into my house, I was attacked by my three dogs, two of which are fairly young puppies, and seemed to have absolutely no clue who I was. They sat there and barked at me, as if I had come for the televisions, the Wii, and fine jewelry. In their defense, I was dressed in all black, but still. I took off my baseball cap and greeted them in one of those high pitched voices one greets animals and small children. Then, they finally calmed down with some sense of recognition.

Monday was spent mainly with friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in a while, for more reasons than my busy work schedule. I had allowed selfish deceptive people into my life, and had turned my back on some of them based on misinformation. So, I manned up, faced my faults, and apologized for any part I had had in excommunicating them from my life. They admitted that they had taken the grudge a little far as well… but in the end it was just us, getting back to us. The two girls that could laugh at just about anything, make up hand gestures and horrible dance moves to pretty much any song imaginable, and of course share our desserts. Besides, I was tired of eating them all by myself, and it was beginning to show in my jeans.

Tuesday I decided to partake in something I couldn’t really get up North… some quality time on the Florida beaches. I know you’re saying, well.. don’t you have the Hamptons and “The Shore” up there??.. And the answer is.. of course we do, but neither of those two places have my dearest and closest friends near them to goof off with. That particular day I was with my girlfriend and her two kids, whom had had their fair share of less than sunny days lately given the fact that my girlfriend and her husband were fixing to get embroiled in what looked to be an awfully messy divorce.

The five year old boy seemed relatively unaffected. After all, to a kid that young all divorce really translates to is.. “YAY… two Christmases!!!!”

But the ten year old, she knew what was up.

As we sat in the shallow water and let the waves wash up on us, I asked her about how things had been going. How’s your dad?.. How’s your mom???.. But most importantly… how was she holding up???..

She just looked down and picked up a handful of sand and let the waves take it from her, as she shrugged.

“Are you happy???” I asked her.

“Sometimes,” she said. “At least there isn’t any fighting. That got really old. But I do miss my family. I’ve talked to my teachers about it.. and they’re right. The divorce isn’t happening because my parents don’t love me, its happening because they forgot how to love each other. My house is still my house, now there are just two of them. Sometimes I get frustrated with mom and dad bickering back and forth about money, but at least I don’t have to fall asleep to it anymore. And at least I still have my house. It’s still my home, it’s just a lot quieter now.”

Yeah, she is only ten years old… going on 40. For as long as I have known this little girl, she has always been wise beyond her years. Sometimes her know-it-all-ness is a pain in the ass, but she’s still one smart little cookie. Sometimes embarrassingly so… because she will call “it like it is.” How is it a ten year old, in the midst of what was going to be one of those Tyson-Holyfield matches of the century divorces had a better sense of what “home” was than I did?? I am twenty five, cutting my teeth in the real world, and learning that it’s not all its cracked up to be, and really couldn’t be more unsettled than ever. The past five years of my life had sent me to Tallahassee to Oregon to California, and somehow I landed in one of the biggest cities in the world. I had gone from being Shamu and star of my own show, to Nemo in a big ocean… and believe me, there were plenty of sharks circling waiting to make a meal out of me. After all, this city has a way of taking a bite out of even the strongest of psyches.

Standing in the middle of the girl explosion my room had become in the last few days, I began to pack my things and listen to the Rays game on the television in the background. My mom came back to survey my progress and let me know my dinner was ready.

“If you don’t get out here Dakota is going to eat your steak,” she says. “This can wait til later.”
For the first time in weeks, I can honestly say I wasn’t hungry.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” I said, unenthusiastically as I stuffed the last of my clothes into my suitcase.

My mom sensed something was wrong, as all good mothers tend to do.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I stopped my packing and just kinda sat there. After a minute or two I looked up at her with tears in my eyes.

“I’ve spent so much time away from here, and out on my own, being pulled in so many directions, I just don’t know where I belong anymore. I come “home” to get away from it all. And it doesn’t feel like “home” anymore. Sure, my cat is here now with you guys… but that doesn’t really make it my home. Just makes it feel like a half way house. None of my furniture is here. Hell, I’m just waiting for daddy to take out my bed and turn this into either a workout center or “The Naked Room” he keeps joking about. (Which, quite honestly, I find mortifying.) But then I go to NYC, and nothing really seems to stick there either. I have very few close friends, because they all have such vastly different lives than I do. They all have boyfriends, hell, even my guy friends have boyfriends.. and I am left playing the third wheel on their tricycle. It’s really gotten old. I don’t have Vegas (my cat) up there anymore, but it wasn’t fair for me to keep leaving her while I was on the road. All I come home to is an apartment full of furniture, my roommate’s latest concoction in the kitchen, some DVRed episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and an empty bed. The only human interaction I really get these days is on set, or when I am arguing with the guys from PTI about how ludicrous some of their statements are. But, at least they don’t argue back.”

My mom tried her best to laugh at me, though she could tell I was genuinely upset. “The point is mother, all the places that should feel like home to me, don’t anymore. I come to Tampa, and I feel like I am in everyone’s way or “just visiting.” I go to NYC, and I feel like it’s just some temporary stop on my journey, so I don’t get too wrapped up in meeting new people. And I certainly don’t date anyone, because for as diverse of a city as NYC claims to be, it really and truly is the same cookie cutter guy, just in different outfits. The whole idea of courtship and building something takes a backseat to just “having fun.” And you KNOW what I mean. And… I’m better than that. I guess I am just looking for some sign… something that says THIS is where I am supposed to be. Wherever THIS is. Sure, work has come leaps and bounds these past few months, because I have found good people, with good intentions, that actually believe in me… but I want something more than that. I want some stability. And no one can seem to tell me how to find that.”

My mom thought about it for a second. “Jennifer, you know you will always have stability here, it’s just hard to give you advice or point you in the right direction because your father and I have no earthly clue how your industry works. As far as boys… I don’t honestly know how you do it. I would never want to try to date in today’s world. The things you girls have to deal with and worry about, they are downright scary. If I didn’t have your father… well.. I’d be single.. the rest of my life. I know NYC gets lonely, but you’re up there for a reason. You’re making waves, and people are about to see what you are really capable of. I want so badly for you to succeed, and you know your father and I will support you however we can.. emotionally .. of course. But, we can only do so much. I think you’ve just kinda outgrown us….”

“Ha, I haven’t outgrown any of you…” I laughed, “just the daybed in my room. Between Vegas and I… well.. it’s a tad on the full side.”

“You know what I mean,” she said. “Just know, that we haven’t given up on you, and… you shouldn’t give up on you either. Don’t stress the one thing you don’t have. Instead, focus on all the amazing positive things you have coming up. And know.. that you can always run here.”
By this point in the conversation we were both trying to be hard asses and not cry, but we weren’t doing all that great of a job. So, I changed the subject, gave her a hug and put off packing the rest of my suitcases til after dinner. I left part of this title blank for a reason, maybe YOU can help me answer. I spent my whole life trying to leave “home” and now it seems I will spend the rest of my adult life trying to find a way to get back to it, whatever that may mean. Maybe that is because I’m still figuring out what makes a “home.” It’s not the “people,” as the ten year old put it, because her parents had split. It’s not the furniture or four walls, because well, I had that in NYC, and it was still missing something. And it wasn’t Tampa, because while I had people that love me there, I couldn’t pursue my dreams the way I wanted to. What makes us come to call a certain place home anyway?...

Maybe home is a place for you to just.. “belong.” Some place where you just fit, like a great pair of shoes, that you can walk around in and not get blisters or sore feet. It’s a place to take shelter from all the storms in our life, no matter how tumultuous they get. It’s perfectly natural for us to go through periods of life where we feel lost, maybe this is one of mine.

The next few months of my life will be hectic ones, and definitely roads less traveled by. I’d become a regular gypsy, and no Mr. Borat, you may not “have my tears.” While part of me is scared senseless to begin this journey, the other part of me says.. “Bring it on.” If there is one thing I have learned from my adventures and my misadventures at that, it’s that you can never be sure who you will meet along the way. Who knows??.. Maybe you’ll find someone to bring along on the ride. Which leads me to ask… Which one of you is coming with me?...

I may not have all the answers now, and maybe I never will, but I have the utmost of faith that someday I will end up right where I belong. At the right place, the right time, with the right person. And until that moment comes, at least I know my family will always leave the light on for me.

“Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule. ~Frederick W. Robertson”

Perfect Stranger

After a long weekend of partying and all that being around a race weekend in Indy entails, I was walking through the newly built Indianapolis airport when a stained glass window caught my eye. Even amidst the afternoon thundershower that had rolled through, the window’s bright coloring still seemed to light up the terminal. But it wasn’t the colors that really drew me to this particular window more than the rest. It was the words written on it that really caught me off guard.

I will bring you a whole person
and you will bring me a whole person
and we will have us twice as much
of love and everything

I be bringing a whole heart
and while it do have nicks and
dents and scars,
that only make me lay it down
more careful-like
And you be bringing a whole heart
a little chipped and rusty an'
sometime skip a beat but
still an' all you bringing polish too
and look like you intend
to make it shine

I will be bringing you someone whole
and you will be bringing me someone whole
and we be twice as strong
and we be twice as true
and we will have twice as much
of love
and everything.

I later learned that it was a poem called Celebrations written by Mari Evans.

There was more of the poem written on the pane, but I only needed to see that particular part to have a moment of “Eureka” regarding the past few months of my life. Time and time again, I have come to my blog as a place to find solace in the craziness that is my life’s journey, and you have all been an amazing audience and dare I even say a shoulder to cry on from time to time. While I may change the names to protect the innocent and (in more cases than not..) the LESS than innocent, I have also been nothing but brutally honest with the incidents that have occurred. You have seen parts of my life that some would call heartbreaking, others would call ironic, and some.. well, were just downright humiliating. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I guess if we are really going to understand this epiphany, we need to retrace my steps this weekend. And those steps begin the minute I stepped foot in Indianapolis. For those of you who are familiar with my stories, Indy has always had a special place in my heart. It’s been my sanctuary in times of turmoil, my place to retreat to gather my thoughts, and a place to remember what really mattered in life. In short, Indy always brought me.. back to me. This weekend was no exception. Well, sorta.

For weeks I had been planning to meet up with this reoccurring figure in my life, that you all have come to regard as the Roadrunner. I call him this for various reasons, but the main one being the obvious: he enjoys the thrill of the chase. Rarely were the two of us ever in the same city at the same time, but this particular weekend we just so happened to be. I had forgotten to factor in one thing.. there is a reason I call him the Road Runner.

He is one of those ridiculously pretty boys that has never really had to work hard to catch a girls attention, sometimes… multiple girls in fact. He loved the thrill of the chase and almost always seemed to think the girl should chase him. This weekend was no exception. It was always.. come meet me here, come see me there. But for some reason this particular weekend, when the entire theme was built around “the chase,” I found this game extremely unamusing. Though until now, I really didn’t understand why.

That’s because this weekend, I ran into a Perfect Stranger, that as Kenny Powers would say, “f*cked me up with some truth.” I wouldn’t call him a stranger, because I definitely had known who he was for some time, given both of our backgrounds. But what little I did know about him I knew only from the internet, and if I have learned anything in the past few years it’s that the internet isn’t always the most reliable of sources.

I don’t mean he was “perfect” … because well, no one is. In fact his faults are brutally scrutinized. But I mean.. his “timing” was perfect. Not too long ago, I began to realize that so much of what happens in our lives.. the places, the people.. are all based on timing. We meet certain people, at certain times, for certain reasons none of us really understand. Any later or sooner, and well.. the outcome of our lives would be vastly different. Or at least, that is what Doc Brown said in Back to the Future. Sometimes these events are subtle, while others might as well be decked out in neon lights like “Girls, Girls, Girls.” Or something like that. This may very well have been one of those times.

Anyone that has met me on a personal level will be the first to tell you, I’m quick with my one-liners and barbs. Well, the Stranger went toe to toe with me, and then some. He was quite the antithesis for the brand I had come to associate with his “kind.” The complete opposite of a fathead… you know?? The type of guys that are fun to look at, but aside from that they serve no real use other than to hang on your wall just to root for your favorite sports team. But not this one. He was different. He didn’t use lame pick up lines or cheesy gimmicks. In fact, I’m not sure he was really trying to pick me up at all. He threw my one-liners back at me with the quickness of a line drive that would’ve had most pitchers riding the pine pony unable to recall their own names for days.

After a good amount of nonsensical banter, we soon realized the two of us shared more than a deep love for sports in common, with our similar histories, similar philosophies, and similar outlooks on our given situations… especially in the dating category. For some stranger reason, this kid seemed to “get” me. And I “got” him. A few adult beverages into my encounter with the stranger, things took an interesting twist.

“You Ms. Sterger are quite an enigma. I’m not sure what to make of you. On one hand… you seem very genuine and very much one of the guys. You play the ‘I’m a cool single chick’ role real well. But part of me thinks it’s just an act. I think … I think you’re scared,” he said.

I nearly spit out my drink. No one, and I mean… NO ONE calls me chicken. Especially not you, Mr. Stranger.

“Oh really, is that so??” I cocked my head slightly, intrigued by his overall observation of me.

“Sure, well, if you’re this cool… why don’t you have a boyfriend??.. “ he asked.

And that my newfound friend.. is the million dollar question. For months now I had been picking up the pieces from a tumultuous relationship that had left my life in complete shambles. I had gone on countless dates, with all kinds of people.. but nothing really seemed to stick. I always just assumed I was too picky, or when I did pick something it was all wrong for me. As it turns out, the Stranger had been in a similar situation, though he didn’t divulge a ton of details. From what I gathered, he was just too young, and too in denial that they wanted different things that he wasn’t willing to admit that they had grown apart. Since then, he too had made a few missteps, and just like me.. watched them play out for everyone else’s amusement.

“You want my opinion??? For what it’s worth??..” he asked as he took a sip from his Guinness. “I don’t think you have the slightest clue what you want. You had something, you lost something, and since then, you’ve devoted so much of your time looking for the right thing that you probably wouldn’t know it if it hit you in the face. Trying to have a career, a life, and a love life?.. Forget it. Something has to give. You’ve spent your greater adult life, always with someone else, that you don’t know YOU anymore. And you’re too scared to admit it.”

I sat there stunned. Silent. This guy… this stranger.. that knew me for a mere few hours was calling me out. Who did he think he is??... Just because our lives overlapped in some aspects did not mean I suffered from the same lost boy syndrome he did.

Or did it?

That night, the two of us ended up roaming the streets of Indianapolis by ourselves. Not as a couple of drunken kids looking for a corner to make out in, but as a couple of guarded lost souls that just realized.. maybe for the first time, they weren’t alone after all. By him calling BS on me, he had in turn forced himself to confront his own façade he had been hiding behind. And as they say in crappy old heist movies… the jig was up, pal.

The next few days went by rather fast, as I had a ton of professional obligations and appearances to fulfill, but the Strangers words stuck with me. It wasn’t that I was stuck on my ex, because I could really care less as long as he is happy. Maybe I just hadn’t been alone long enough to really put myself back together again. So every failed date, every misadventure broke humpty dumpty into more and more pieces… to the point I had no clue where to start. Where were all the king's horses and all the king's men???

That’s when I realized… I really didn’t NEED to be with anyone. For once, it felt okay to be alone. I needed to figure out who I was again as a person, not a pair. Months of therapy, years of blogging, and it only took one chance encounter with another lost soul for me to figure out what my life was missing… Me.

I never did meet up with the Roadrunner. And part of me thinks, maybe it was for the best. He would have only filled my head with false hope and just perpetuated this nasty cycle I had caught myself in. Instead, I spent the rest of the weekend figuring out myself, and getting to know me again. And while I’m far from the finish line, at least I made some good headway.

Which brings me back to the window….

A whole person. Such a novel concept. It was something I hadn’t been in a long time. I need to quit bringing this guarded, self censored version of myself to the table, and bring back the real “Jenn.” She may be flawed, and have a few bumps and bruises, but those scars are what make her the unique sensitive individual she is today. The one beneath the tough girl exterior she presents to the rest of the world… her poker face if you will.

The next time I decide to take the plunge, I will bring everything. . I wouldn’t be in something just out of need, but I would be in something because I WANT to be in it. Not the baggage of relationships past, just the lessons that it taught me How was anyone supposed to get to know the real me if my guard was always up???.. It wasn’t fair for me to keep dating from the other side of the wall. If the Germans had brought that ‘ish down, maybe it was time I did the same.

I never did get a chance to thank the Stranger for the lesson he taught me that weekend, but something tells me he’ll keep in touch. I promised him I’d keep his identity a secret. And that I shall. But I think the lesson he taught me needed to be passed on to others. I’m convinced God brings certain people into our lives for a reason, to teach us things as he sees fit. Maybe this was one of those instances. It just goes to show you that timing really is everything. If I hadn’t gotten lost, hadn’t made a wrong turn or two… I wouldn’t have met such an interesting person. Our chance encounter taught me it was ok to laugh again, taught me first impressions aren’t all that they may seem, but most of all it taught me… if you’re going to get lost, at least get lost together.

Must Love Dogs

Not too long ago, I got to talking about relationships with an esteemed colleague of mine. He conceded that reading my blog was one of his new guilty pleasures, mainly because I was so brutally honest, even to the point of self-deprecation. Well, what did he expect?.. I joked that after the heinous past few years of dating experiences; I was a mere few seconds away from joining Match.com or some other random dating site under an alias. Clearly, there had to be some way of wading through all the “getting to know someone” BS, and while I wasn’t sure a mathematical formula was the answer… well, it was better than taking blind stabs in the dark at it.

The true romantic in me always assumed that the right person would simply fall into my lap at the right time. After all, that’s how it happened for my parents.

Where the hell is MY Prince Charming?

That’s when I met.. the Survey. My buddy seemed to swear by it. The survey, while relatively simple asked all the important questions you should always ask yourself before pursuing someone. Writing it all down… really analyzing it all makes you realize what's really important to you in a relationship and a person. Thus, making it easier for you to make clear-headed decisions. You might be intoxicated by someone's good looks or the way they talk or their extensive knowledge of wines, sports, food.. whatever their niche… but if they don't fit your standards, then maybe it’s not worth chasing. After all, no one likes to feel they’ve wasted their heart or time on someone.

List six "musts". These are the absolute essentials you need in a partner
This part was relatively easy, and I felt like most were “givens.”

1) I want someone with a good head on their shoulders that that is decisive and can make sound decisions.

2) And while they may not come from a perfect family ( I mean.. who really has one of those these days??), they should definitely have a good sense of family values.

3) They should have some kind of faith (whether they be catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, Taoist… whatever), and be relatively passionate and consistent about it. No one wants to date an absolute hypocrite.

4) I want a man who has solid career goals, and his own life ambitions… knows where he has been, where he’s going.. and appreciates every step of the journey to get there.

5) I want someone to see me as their equal. After all, relationships are all about partnerships. There shouldn’t be power struggles.

6) Make me laugh. I have a guilty pleasure for funny men. They aren’t necessarily the best looking man in the room, but they are the ones that keep a smile on my face the longest. Life it too short to not spend it smiling.. so why not find someone that keeps you in stitches all day long?.. I’m a nerd, and love to speak in movie quotes and references. I want my equal in that respect.

List 10 things that are important
These are qualities that you value, but aren't necessarily mandatory.

1) They should want to try new things, and never be satisfied with their knowledge of the world. I’ll try anything once, maybe twice if it doesn’t kill me.

2) They don’t have to be Emeril, but it would be nice if they could cook something other than a microwave dinner or boil a hotdog.

3) I really value physical fitness. So while they may not be an athlete, they should at least take care of themselves. This also means no smoking. I mean, part of having a life with someone means making sure that lasts as long as it can. Unless you’re Al Bundy..

4) Honor each other's past, but not live in it. I think it's crucial that you both understand where the other comes from, and where they have been. Our pasts are what make us who we are today. But they are just that, the past. Don’t dwell on them, don’t let them interfere with our future.. and move forward..

5) I want a man who can handle himself in public. One who knows you can’t talk like Kenny Powers in a nice restaurant. Someone who can handle himself at a cocktail party or any other social situation that presents itself. It’s not so much about manners as it is people skills. They don’t have to own the room, but they should be comfortable enough to stand on their own.

6) You may not like the same things I do, but at least look remotely interested in them. I don’t expect them to love sports or cars the way I do. But I better not have to explain to them who Deon Sanders or Joe Namath is either. If a guy thinks Babe Ruth is a candy bar.. guess what buddy???.. You just struck out.

7) Someone who knows how to have fun. Anyone that has been around me knows I am the biggest goofball ever. I have an affinity for knowing all the dance moves to music videos, and shamelessly admit to knowing all the words to pretty much any Britney Spears song ever recorded. If you are easily embarrassed, and won’t partake in dancing or having a good time, or have the party personality of a wet mop, need not apply. I don’t expect you to be Frank the Tank, but I do want someone that knows how to have a good time. After all, you shouldn’t take life too seriously, or you will never get out alive.

8) I love spontaneity. It keeps things fun and new. Try new things, go new places.

9) The Little Things principle. As gay as it sounds, even the coolest of girls likes it when her guy does something “just because.” There is no special occasion, no motivation behind it, he does it simply because he was thinking of you. An occasional text, flowers for no reason, or some random stupid trinket you saw and immediately thought of them. Even in a crappy economy we’re all still capable of doing something a little out of the way.. just to show we care. So why don’t you??

10) I want a guy that “tries” just as hard as I do. Let's face it, even the best relationships require a little bit of effort. I don’t think a girl should have to spend all of her free time chasing a boy, or vice versa. I think they should both chase each other. Meet the other in the middle… that’s how real relationships function even under the most strained conditions.

Five must-nots. Anything on this list is a deal-breaker
When I asked a few random women in my life this question, they came back with some blatantly obvious answers… must not cheat, beat.. etc. etc. Upon hearing these answers, I just cocked my head to the side as to kinda say.. “well, DUH.” I think that thing goes without saying. But maybe some of these are a little less obvious.

1) Don’t put down my beliefs or my opinions on things. We may not always agree, but we can agree to disagree. If a guy doesn’t want a woman with opinions, there are plenty of Barbies out there to give them the “smile and nod treatment.” I will not be a Stepford wife.

2) They can’t be overly vain. I once dated a guy that got in a hissy every time I left the house in a baseball cap and sweats. Apparently I am supposed to go to the grocery store, the diner, everywhere in 4 inch heels and full make up. Who the F@#$ do you think you are, Prince?.. Until you are cool enough to replace your name with a freaking' symbol, then you have no business telling me how to dress on my casual day to day life. It’s just shallow.

3) Laziness. I hate unmotivated people. A guy should have their own goals, their own ambitions, and I refuse to ride your ass or play your mother to get you to do them.

4) Do NOT compare me to your ex. Under any circumstances. That ship has sailed, and gone down like the Titanic my friend. You don’t want us doing it to you, so why even go there??? Don’t punish us for their mistakes or make us live up to their standards. Just because your ex used to go everywhere in full make up and hair doesn’t mean I have to. Judge me based on my standards and mine alone.

5) Do not betray my trust. Don’t go through my things, don’t go through my phone, my email.. whatever. It’s password protected for a reason. Even when two people share everything they should still be entitled to some privacy. If you don’t trust the other person enough to not go snooping you have no business in a relationship anyway.

6 Bonus Points
These are added bonuses. Not necessary, but it would enhance your life, make your time together more fun.

1) A man who knows how to fix things is sexy. I’m not saying you need to be the next Bob Villa. Hell, I will settle for Tim the Tool Man Taylor. But, know how to screw in a light bulb, or fix a toilet. And for God’s sakes… don’t be that metro pretty boy that doesn’t know what happens when you put rice down the drain. I wouldn’t say it if it hadn’t happened.

2) Compliments go a long way. And not the backhanded variety. Telling a girl her hair looks better than it did yesterday is not a compliment, it’s a putdown. She should look beautiful to you every day. That way when you’ve knocked her up, she’s 50 pounds heavier than when you met, she won’t be giving you the finger and cursing your existence come that day in the delivery room. She is beautiful all the time. No ifs ands or buts.

3) PDA is underrated. I’m not talking Paris Hilton-Doug Reinwhore make out sessions. I am talking about simple hand holding, a peck here, a hug there. If you are with a girl, be PROUD to be with her, and let her know it.

4) Take one for the team. A guy that is willing to see that chick flick just because I want to scores major points in my book. Because lord knows, I will be the first one to return the favor.

5) I’m a huge animal lover, and have been raised with big dogs all my life. A dog that resembles a bedroom slipper is not a dog, it is a fashion accessory. I have a place in my heart for every kind of animal though. And so while you may not fancy them, at least have compassion for the fact I do.

6) Create your own traditions. Make experiences for the two of you to share that are yours and yours alone.

Five scenarios
Five things you can imagine doing with the person you want to be with.

1) I am the biggest kid at heart. I love riding roller coasters, and rides, and going to Theme Parks. If you are too cool for the tea cups or Space Mountain, you are too cool for me.

2) I’ve grown much more appreciative of the outdoors in recent years. I really want to go white water rafting again, possibly down the Colorado. Men without balls, need not apply.

3) My dad and I have made it a point to visit as many ballparks as possible in our travels. You better plan on getting in on the action. I still haven’t been to Fenway and so many other great sports venues.

4) I am a huge supporter of charity events and volunteer work. Have a heart to help others, not for the publicity in it.. just because it makes you feel good at the end of the day. I would love to spend time with someone that has the same passion for helping others that I do.

5) My favorite date night.. is staying in. Making dinner, and watching a movie on the couch. After all, then you can just be yourself… talk.. and get to know what one another is really all about. I hate having to be “on” all the time, so this is when someone gets to know the real me.. the one behind the big hair.. the make up.. and all that nonsense.

After filling out the list, I went back through it, one article at a time. It wasn’t a list of likes and dislikes. It was a living breathing ideal person on paper. Comparing it against my past, all my failed relationships seemed to make so much more sense. It didn’t necessarily excuse their behaviors or the way they may have ended things, but it certainly explained why certain situations would have never come to fruition. The list was simply a way of saving me the time and agony of chasing something that wasn’t right for me anyway.

I wrote my colleague back and thanked him for sending the list to me. It really had a way of putting the past few years of my adult dating life in perspective. He reminded me that the list was not a be all end all, but it was certainly a great place to start searching. And as he so pointedly put it...

“The good thing for you is you have looooots of time.”