Monday, February 09, 2009

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell

No matter how many relationships we have, it never seems to get any easier. It’s not the break up part that really cuts you to the core. It’s seeing the face of the new girl. Your replacement that sends your world into pieces.

It seems to me there are two types of girls. There are simple girls. And Katie girls. No, I don’t mean girls named Katie, but more… just the thought of what a “Katie” girl represents. For those of you not as well versed in the film career of Miss Barbra Streisand, she and Robert Redford starred in a movie about complicated love. Barbra’s character, Katie falls in love with a boy (Hubbell) she knew from college years before, and the two begin this long and torrid on and off relationship. They soon both find themselves sacrificing parts of their own identities and dreams, til Hubbell begins an affair on a pregnant Katie, and leaves her after their daughter is born. Fast forward years later, when the two encounter one another face to face. They both realize they are still very much in love with each other, though they are now with two very different people, Katie with a new man, and Hubbell with the stereotypically pretty girl. The two have a brief conversation and remember the “They way they were.” Then, Katie turns to Hubbell in the movie’s final moments, and tells him, “Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.” It’s at this point in the movie that Hubbell realizes he still loves Katie, but that they could never be together again, because he could never live up to her standards of him. And the two part, and go their separate ways.

We all know these types of relationships. They are the kind that no matter how you try, things are just never simple enough, and they never get easier. The problem with these relationships is that they often seem to be the most fulfilling and dynamic. The highs are high. The lows are low. Yet at the same time they’re the most destructive, because by the time you realize they are not going to work, it’s too late. For everyone.

So in the end, you each move on to your next relationship. Some take time to heal, while others just jump in to whatever comes there way next. It’s just something inevitable we will all face. Enter: the new girl. Until now, she has had no face. She was simply an “idea.” The “idea” that he had in fact moved on. But, now… she has a face and the rules of the game change. Now, she is real. She is blonde, pretty, and perfect. Everything you are not. You knew this was coming all along, so why does it hurt now that she has a face??.. Now there is no denying you two were never meant to work out, because you simply couldn’t be all he wanted. You weren’t up to his standards, as vain and unrealistic as they were at times.

She is the “Simple” girl. The one that requires no “getting to know” because, well.. that’s really not the priority at hand. She’s gorgeous, yet simple. She hasn’t had the worldly experience you have had, because she’s the younger, hotter model… to your vintage classic. She’s young, indecisive, easily owned, because she just doesn’t know any better. She’s by no means dumb, but she’s hardly as diverse, well read, or eccentric as you. You were arm candy with your own opinion, when he can still help mold hers. That’s because you’re the “Katie girl.”

If you’re a woman reading this, and wondering what realm you fall into, then let me elaborate. The real difference between the “Simple girls” and the “Katie girls,” is the Katie girl is far from perfect, but she’s perfect in her imperfection. It’s her imperfections and her different views on life that make her the unique spirit that she is. She isn’t high maintenance necessarily. She’s just unwilling to change who she is for anyone. She’s been there, done that, and lost herself. She’s wild, unpredictable, yet… charming to almost all those she meets. Why?.. Because she is “real.”

I'm the Katie girl. I wouldn't say I'm hot, I'd say I'm unique. The ugly duckling that got a lil less ugly, grew into her awkwardness, and is still learning to love herself. Quirks and all. I’ll never be the girl that can wear white and not get it dirty, which is why I live my life in bright colors. My nail polish chips, because I am not afraid of getting my hands dirty. I wear ball caps not to make fashion statements, but because of how effortless it is in my busy life. My hair is naturally curly so no matter how many times I hit it with the straightener, when I get caught in the rain, I'm Julia Roberts all over again. I hate punishing myself at the gym, just because I have a sweet tooth, a salt tooth. Damn it, I'm just a foodie. So what if my jeans fit a little tighter after the holidays. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want my life to be validated by more than pictures of me in bikinis and underwear, or by having the “hot boyfriend.” I'm a freckle factory, but that is what airbrushing is for. My tan comes off in the shower, but at least I will look great when I hit 40 by staying out of the sun. I have my opinions on sports, life, and politics, and just because they aren’t his doesn’t make them wrong, it simply makes me… myself. I think instant replay doesn’t belong in baseball, and professional athletes should be held to higher standards of behavior as role models. My views on politics don’t make me a “dumb redneck” they just mean I was raised with different values than his. I believe in manners, in “please” and “thank you.” I’m a big hearted southern girl, and if my larger than life feelings make me a little sensitive at times, then so be it. I am myself, and no one else.

I’m sick of people comparing me to this girl or that girl, especially when “that girl” came after I did. Comparing apples to oranges, oranges to cantaloupes or whatever produce is in season just isn’t fair, because we all have something different to offer. I know I have probably been the subject of comparison to another woman at one point or another. After all, every girl has “the girl” before them and unless they meet their soul mate, there will always be “the girl” after them.

It takes a lot to admit when you’re just not right for someone, but it takes a lot more to be happy for them for moving on. Part of you wants them to hurt, and feel the same pains you did, when in fact your feelings are your own and no one elses to experience. It’s not like you will all be able to sit down and all shoot the shit together, because there are too many open wounds there. Too many what if’s. It’s not fair to her or me. I’ve always been a good loser. A good miss congeniality of life. Maybe that’s because I can admit that I deserved better. Why should I change the person I am, the person he fell for, just because he couldn’t keep up?... Maybe, just maybe I am better off finding someone that is right for me. A person that fits my wackiness, my fun-loving spirit. The guy that isn’t afraid to sit with me at the diner in our pajamas because we’re hung over from the night before. The guy who will show up at the airport with a home made chauffeur sign to welcome me back. The guy that isn’t afraid to make an ass out of himself just on the off chance it might make me smile. The guy who will go that little extra because they realize the simple girls are a dime a dozen, and that Katie girls are one in a million.

11 comments:

iwatchthenba said...

I'll pick you up from the airport with a home made chauffeur sign. I'll even use crayon and write the G in your name backwards.

We should chat about relationships sometime, we have very similar outlooks. And my pajamas are cool.

No but seriously, keep your head up. You're gonna find the one you're supposed to be with when you're not even looking. Promise.

moose said...

The question is really not what type of woman you are. But what the next guy sees in you and categorizes you as.
Sometimes the Complex Katie girl is viewed as the Simple girl. It just depends on what has come through that guy’s life
And how he grew which will determine if you wake up from a drunken stuper if he’s laid back enough to go out in the pajamas that’s great!
Me it has to be game shorts circa 90’s no booty huggers here… But that’s the thing your still labeling for arguments sake what you are.

You’re just a girl looking for a guy who will love you for you with all the drama that comes with that.
1 guy couldn’t handle your fame and was jealous.
1 guy just couldn’t keep it in his pants.
1 guy was just too caught up with a former flame.
Northeast guys vary from Southern gentlemen…..

In theory that’s straight bs since I’m from up here. It just depends what industry that guy is from and if he wants to swing with just 1 girl.
I’m not going to bash on Radio Raheem which is what I’m going to call him….But Coffee was funny as heck in regards to speaking to you if
That was the guy who were discussing 2 posts ago…. I wouldn’t have given it all that but this is your blog to just put it out there.
My man should have killed it in regards to Tapes and what not; the answer should have been blurted out within 30 seconds….. Now I’m getting worked up…….
Fools like that just want to say they want to hit that……Moving right along….

What you really should know…
A guy who doesn’t step to you hard, and is all over you but is a gentlemen whether he’s form the North or South, East or West…..
A guy who just has the simple guy demeanor and maybe not the Katie guy complex……If your trying to match up 1 in a million on both sides, it’s not going to happen without there being drama.
Soulm8 action, that’s like 10 million to 1 and I’ll notarize that one…..

It’s the same $hit different day when it comes to relationships. It just depends how you’re going to deal with this stuff and get past the 1 week, 1 month,
1 year mark before this stuff gets serious. The question is what are you looking for….We don’t need anymore Jenn is this and Jenn is that…..

Actually I can vouch for not being out in the sun and having no crows feet or wrinkles, like mom advised so many years ago…..
But with that being said, a lot of men know the bikini phase is a short lived one for 99% of us out there.
If you don’t want to live in that lifestyle that’s up to you….
Some Simple guys just like the sports factor, if it comes with looks that’s a plus , but as long as the love comes both ways. Life is too short to live in this world that we are supposed to be something were not.
You go to work, throw the top down on the ride, that’s just to get one’s head clear before going to work or before getting home so that we can deal with our Katie or the Simple girl ……

The Question is what do you want to go home to? Simple or Complex??????????

The hardest thing In life is finding the one. Whether it’s a job or a man….Just remember that….

Group Hugs…..

Miguel

Jump and Jive said...

Touching post Jenn. Only having your posts to go by, I think your quite the special individual and very much the romantic. Hope you meet you soul mate. Until then, enjoy life and all the best!

in.two.point.five@gmail.com said...

This is the first time I've commented on here but this entry resonates with me so much I figured I would leave a comment.

Sometimes when you're with "the right one" it's not the right situation.

Sometimes you chase someone that isn't the right one.

Sometimes you're being chased but don't feel that is the person for you.

And sometimes in these chases in life you realize that finding yourself as a person is the biggest prize of all.

You'll find the person for you, when and where you least expect, and you may think at first he won't fit the profile at first but look deep. You're everything a guy could want - smart, funny, energetic, thoughtful, romantic, sweet, a strong individual, and beautiful. Just keep at it.

I've read all your posts and I don't spend a second reading anyone that I don't think is genuine or has it together and you certainly do. With that, please keep writing. I enjoy reading your words and the sharing of thoughts. Contrary to what some may believe, I think you're a very unique person in all that you do and say and your views are refreshing. You aren't just a gorgeous girl, you have a beautiful mind as well.

Hope you find someone that complements you in every way.

-D

Chris said...

It's really interesting reading this post. To be perfectly honest, you sound like me when it came to my last relationship. My ex was always wanting me to dress "nice" when I personally prefer wearing a beat-up pair of jeans or a beat-up t-shirt.

If you think NYC can be bad, just go to the Tyson Corner mall in Northern VA, everyone is dressed like they want to go out clubbing, then there's me rolling in with jeans and a t-shirt.

Keep your head up, you'll find the right person.

Veritas said...

So now you’re a Katie girl.
Honestly Jenn I don’t see you as a Katie girl, maybe more like a Tyra girl (Tyra Banks).
Some time ago I saw a documentary on Tyra Banks, her beginnings, how her career started and the projects that she entered; and at the end of the show I thought to myself “Now there’s a woman who grabbed all the chances that life brought her and did the best work possible”.
That’s how I see you Jenn, a celebrity on the rise.
Now if you like Tyra are going to do the best work possible with what life is going to bring to you is yet to be seen, but I have faith in you; at lest more faith than you have shown to me.
About the relationship thing, what more is there to say that what I’ve already told you?!
Relationships are hard work; one can’t simply expect to find the perfect person, because very simply there is no perfect person.
You want a relationship to work?!
Then you have to work hard on it, you can’t simply expect the person you are with to understand you or do all the things you want him to do if you don’t open up and tell him who you are or what you want.
A relationship isn’t a guess contest, if both parts don’t open up and communicate then the all thing is going to crumble.
And that’s all there is to it, all you need in a relationship is communication, honesty, loyalty and above all trust; not 100% trust because that would be stupid, but let us say a 50% trust, you have to always watch your back, many times it’s the person you’re more close to that brings you more pain.
I see you as a Tyra girl but I can also understand the Katie girl part of you; after all only a Katie girl would have said “I wouldn't say I'm hot, I'd say I'm unique”.
Only a Katie girl can say such nonsense, a simple girl would have said “I am what I am; I’m the one you has to like myself and not expect others to do that for me” a Tyra girl would have said “What? Are you crazy? Look at this body, I’ve mirror’s on my house, don’t even thing about saying that I’m not hot”.
And the “unique” part, trust me is not that important, we all are unique in our very own way; now if you’re referring to the celebrities “unique” than let me put your feet’s to the ground, you haven’t done anything that distinguish yourself from all the other female celebrities that have came before you.
Sorry but I say things like I see them, and if you don’t agree with me then you’re giving credibility to all those that say that fame has already gone up your head and that you think that you’re more than you actually are.
You’ve posed for Playboy and Maxim. So what?!
You’ve done some TV appearances. So what?!
You’ve entered in a movie. So what?!
Do you see where I’m getting at?
In celebrities terms you haven’t done anything out of the ordinary; it will take many years until you can say “I’m unique” in the celebrities’ world.
Elvis was unique, Johnny Cash was unique, Johnny Deep is unique, Al Pacino is unique, Robert De Niro is unique, Clint Eastwood is unique, Aretha Franklin is unique, Oprah is unique, and many more are unique in the celebrities’ world.
You Jenn, you are not unique.
Maybe one day you’ll be, but not now.
And by telling you this I’m being a true friend to you, because the posers, the snakes in your midst, they will say what you want to ear and will never show their true colors until it is too late.
I’m being more of a friend to you than many of the people around you; sure they can say that you have only good qualities and point them out constantly, but a true friend sees the good and the bad and isn’t afraid to say the truth to you.
In a way I see myself as the wingman of Jenn Sterger although to you I’m nothing.
Isn’t that right Jenn?
After all I comment in both your blogs at MySpace and your Official page, I’ve comment on your pictures; send you messages of support and kindness.
And have you done in return?!
Nothing!
No “thanks”, no “I’ve read what you’ve send and I what I think is…”
In a way I think that whatever I say to you, enters on one of your ears and exits by the other; sure you can say “I’ve got a very busy life, I simply don’t have time to answer to all of my fans”
But if that is so, then why have you written just the opposite on both your pages?
I know and I’ve seen the videos where you said you had thousands of people asking to be your friends; but what I also see is that in both your Official and MySpace pages you don’t have thousands of comments in fact in some of your blog entries I was the only one that even left a comment.
At lest to those that comment on your blogs you should find some time to at lest say “thanks”.
You always say that people in the big cities seem to have forgotten that word, and you complained about it, but the matter of fact is that you also are doing the same.
Don’t worry I’m not a stalker and not a fanatic, I’m just a person with feelings like you, and like any person with feelings I like to know that I’m not simply talking to a wall.
Big hug!
Don’t forget the people that made you what you are.

Anonymous said...

Jenn if you see this Veritas person on the street I recommend running the other way lol.

Keep moving along Jenn - you have a good handle on yourself it seems - if life was easy and perfect it'd be boring.

Veritas said...

This is to the anonymous from 2/12/2009.
I can see right through you.
What, you think just because you kiss the ground that Jenn walks she's going to give you something.
If I was her I would run from you, because you're just another poser.

Anonymous said...

my friend told me about this blog, I must say you are very witty in your writing. having said that, I'm curious why this blog contradicts your 'about me' section. you claimed to not put down other girls, but it seems you think you have a girl you have never met 'pegged' in who she is vs you. we all deal with the 'new person' and we always come up with things to say to make us feel better. I just hope that whatever situation you are making this out to be doesn't change who you strive to be.

Anonymous said...

Unique? I'd have to disagree...

http://cdn.maximonline.com/uploadedCmsFiles/Slides/32_lacey_chabert_2975.jpg

Were you in the cast of Party of Five?

As for the person you referred to as the "simple girl" I happen to know this individual quite well. A "Katie Girl", as you refer to yourself, would not judge someone without even knowing them. How about you bow out in shame rather than embarrass yourself like a simple girl...

Mary said...

you wrote this after watching that Sex and the city episode, right? you should quote your "inspiration", otherwise it could be seen as plagiarism...