Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Big Bang Theory

It’s been said that no man is capable of being one hundred percent honest. There was always that one instance, that one moment where it was more convenient, more sympathetic.. it was just easier to fib a little bit. You tell your boss you loved their presentation, when to be completely honest?... Your ADD went “HD” in the opening credits. You tell your mom that you were at your buddy’s place studying... and by studying you mean the female form of a certain hot co ed, that happened to be staying in the same vicinity as the aforementioned friend. And while you may not be the brightest guy on the planet, even you know the answer to the ever elusive question: “Does my ass look fat in these jeans?” And may the Lord help you if you so much as hesitate.

But, have you ever been at a crossroads in life, where you just needed to buy yourself a little more time to think? So, rather than telling the truth, you start telling little white lies?... At first, the little white lies are just that. There was no bad intent. They were never meant to hurt anyone, only to protect others feelings. They are for your own good, or so we are told. But really, is there such a thing???

Maybe you lied about one event. One single detail. So what, right?... Well guess what? Then you find yourself having to lie just to cover up the original one, and another to cover up that one. The nasty snowball effect only gets bigger and bigger as it rolls downward. Eventually, the lies become an entire story, one so twisted that even the most skilled of authors will forget the original lie, not to mention the intricate details you gave along the way. And that is when you get it… the massive explosion in your face.

I’d like to think of this as the Big Bang. It’s when all the lies and deception come to a fruition, and guess what kids?... The jig is up. Sure, you could continue to hold your stance, and vehemently deny the accusations. Think… “I did not have sexual relations with that woman… Ms. Lewinski.” Or “I never took steroids, Mr. Senator.” But at the end of the day, what doesn’t come out in the wash… only stains the dress. And the guy that steps to the plate with a Mardi Gras head and Raisonettes is… “OUT!” (with ump hand motion).

Then again, you could always come clean. They weren’t lying when they said the truth hurts, but there are certainly ways to cushion the blow. And that beats getting caught any day of the week.

Society has taught us, that some forms of lying are perfectly acceptable.. I mean, look at American politics!!!... But lying is never acceptable on a daily basis, and certainly not to the ones we love. They deserve a higher level of respect than your coworkers, your buddies, and even your own mother. Because while your mother will love you unconditionally, and your buddies’ attention span will eventually allow him to forget why he momentarily hated you… your significant other loves you by choice. And if you can’t be honest with them, well… then who can you be???....

All lies do is create stress. They create problems in other areas of our lives. They make your place an absolute mess. They gave you a huge zit in the middle of your forehead that people begin to mistake as an undeveloped Siamese twin. And ‘cause you to look so disheveled, that even the homeless man is trying to give you a dollar.

That is why I believe in brutal honesty. People may not always like what I have to say, but at least they know I wasn’t BS’ing them. I’d rather have someone hate me for being honest, than adore me for telling them lies. I’ve learned many lessons the hard way and had to hurt others before I realized that in order to have adult relationships.. I had to become an adult. Maybe that, and I realized… I am a terrible liar. And unlike many other learned skills.. you can’t learn to be a good liar. Becoming a good liar doesn’t come with practice, but with comfort in what you’re doing. People come to see it as a possible option, regardless of how small the issue may have been in the first place.

Uncovering the truth all at once, only leads to the Big Bang. The lies come to a head. The @#$! hits the fan. You were standing in a fireworks factory, and your dumb ass self had to have a smoke. What a crappy liar never considers, is that if they had told the truth all along and diffused the heat over a period of time, rather than letting it all come to fruition at once, they could have avoided a major loss.

Trust is one of the hardest things to build, yet one of the easiest to destroy. What do you do when the damage is done?.. When trust is lost??... Some choose to throw up the white flag in surrender-- to be so forthcoming with information, they might as well be reporting to a parole officer. While others, choose to simply ignore the incident and they never really learn a lesson. But in each case, no one really wins. The victim will always remember this one instance. And the liar will continue to lie. And that’s no relationship I want a part in.

The best way to avoid all of this?.. To just tell the truth. Sure, these types of relationships may seem like a myth, some… urban legend if you will?.. But, what if you could find that one person you could just be yourself with?? They’d accept you as you are… flaws, mistakes, quips, and all. And that is the best kind of relationship there is. Because the rest of your life is a long time to spend being something other than yourself.


Jon said...

And when that vast edifice of lies comes crashing down around us, it is a blessings in disguise, just like being a bad liar is, because after the smoke has cleared, we have a chance to build again atop the ruins of our poor choices.
I have long felt that the biggest most ubiquitous problem with relationships these days, and why they so often fail and persist in such low quality, is because people start off by not getting to know oneanother in their truth, but in their facades and carefully selected, most attractive images. Then later on when all of the truth comes seeping through, both parties look at oneanother and wonder who it is they are living with because it sure isn't the person that they met in that bar six months ago.
I feel that trust isn't something to be built, but a foundation from which relationship begins. And as time goes on, if the other's actions prove that the given trust isn't validated, then that trust is slowly eroded. I don't believe that trust is meant to be earned in an additive process. But rather is a given, to be progressively negated if necessary.
We are immersed in lies these days, conditioned both to accept them and perform them as a consistent act of convenience and progress. We have to look so carefully to see through the fog of deception. Its extremely difficult to be completely authentic. But it is the ideal.

Thank you, Jenn.

Blessings and Peace.


Anonymous said...

Did Rich Davis lie to you?

Edwin said...

You know Jenn, when you're right you're right. I'm a huge believer in telling the unvarnished truth. It's gotten me in trouble more times than I want to admit but I feel like if I tell you the truth then we'll both be better off. I use the toughest language possible if it'll keep you from doing something mind numbingly stupid. It's how I show I care. I don't want anything but the best for those I care about and telling the truth is how I do that. I've been a victim of the Big Bang theory more than I want to say. I won't lie to my friends or family. Trust is too precious a commodity in life to be abused. Keep on being honest. It's really the best way to be. Thanks for the words of wisdom. If you want check out my blog
I'm a big fan. Peace!

Veritas/Rui said...

Here is a very interesting theme.
Truth and lies!
I agree with you when you say that it’s better to tell the truth than live in a lie that ultimately will destroy you.
But is the truth that important? Is lying so bad?
Look at the history of the world, of itch individual country, religions and beliefs they’re all based on lies.
If the world ever decided to wash away all the filth and all the lies, then we as a race, as individual beings would put a bullet to our heads.
People in general don’t care about the truth, and by truth I’m referring to the absolute and undeniable truth, they only care about what they believe in and nothing more.
Look at the way our society works, politicians, philosophers and scientists they all say that in order to society to work there most exist people with different status in life, basically, this world would not function without the poor, the middle and the rich.
Because if everybody was rich than there would be no order, no law, only chaos.
But both you and I know that’s a lie, this world could be a place where everybody could have a chance of having a happy life, but both you and I see that things aren’t that way.
Can people be 100% truthful? No!
Can the world exist without lies? No!
Is lying easier than telling the truth? Yes!
Does the truth set you free? Yes, because if only truth comes out of ones mouth than he or she will end up alone, an outcast, loved by nobody and despised by everybody and anyone that lives like that eventually but surely ends up dead.
So when people say the truth will set you free, they should stop and think really hard on the subject, because although it is true, that freedom may not be what one expects.
You’re also right when you say that if one lies at a certain point, then another lie will have to be created to cover that lie, and so on, and so on…
But Jenn did you ever stopped to think that, lies exist for a purpose?
Think Jenn, think about your own past, weren’t you ever in a position where telling the truth would have hurt you and you chose the lie?
In one of your videos, you said when a person is dating you he can not think is dating Jenn the cowgirl is dating Jenn Sterger, basically Jenn the cowgirl and Jenn Sterger are two different people.
By saying that, basically you’re saying that you live in a lie, that a part of you is a lie.
You can say “It’s not a lie but rather a role that I play, it’s like being an actress, it isn’t lying”, but by creating a person that doesn’t exist except on paper means you have created a lie, it isn’t a role it is a lie.
By even suggesting the contrary is like you saying that evil is good and good is evil, there isn’t such thing, good is good and evil is evil.
I can tell you that in all my relationships I was true to the max extent, like you I realized that lying never took me to good places and that a relationship that started in a lie would eventually crumble, but I also realized that being 100% truthful would not work as well.
So I created a barrier, a part of myself that I never reveal to anyone in any circumstances so I wouldn’t need to lie.
That way I found the correct path to follow, but even that doesn’t save me from being hurt, just because I avoided lying didn’t meant that the girl I was with didn’t lie to me, in every relationship that I start I make a deal with the person I’m in love, if any one of us isn’t happy or simply feels that the relationship doesn’t have a future, then we must be truthful to one another and say it, no BS just the truth.
But do you think that works?
Sometimes it works but only rarely, the person you’re with prefers to lie to your face than tell you the truth, prefers to cling to that hope that the lie will not be discovered, that lie may not be discovered but it gives that person the idea that if it worked out well once why not do it again and that is when the #$it hits the fan.
When I’m with someone I accept that person for all she is, even with its flaws, mistakes, I accept the whole package and I hope that she accepts me in the same way.
But 100% trust?
I don’t ever give that to anyone, it’s just the way I am now, and I’ve already experience enough to know not to make that mistake.
So you see Jenn the truth and lies issue isn’t so the Big Bang but rather the Small Bang, to me real the Big Bang would be to know why the hell we are this way, why every time the world seems to give one step forward it gives almost immediately two steps backward.