Monday, November 09, 2009

Are you there God? It's me, Jenn

When we last saw Hewlett, my beloved laptop, he had been having many a technical difficulty. He was forever giving me the blue screen of death, the waiting hourglass, and sometimes just downright shutting down. Still, I never gave up on Hewlett and he never seemed to give up on me. No matter how many times I rebooted him, or turned him off in an effort to preserve his memory.. He always came right back to me.

Sure, he was a little slow at times, and his "G" key had ceased to stop working, which is quite problematic btw if your last name is Sterger. But.. I loved him anyway.

Then one night, as I finished my latest writing assignment, Hewlett finally gave up the ghost. His screen went black, and then.. He was gone. For those of you wondering where all the new pictures and blogs have been, I have a confession to make.... I've spent the past three months or so, not necessarily in hiding, but more so taking the time away to get to know myself again.

You see, sometimes things happen in life that we don't expect. Not every situation goes as planned. And the events surrounding August 7th, 2009 have left me in a real state of discontent and worry.

In an effort to reinvent myself, in a cut throat industry that was becoming more and more competitive the deeper I swam, I made the decision to go against the grain and remove my implants.

For reasons I explain in the upcoming December 2009 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, it was a difficult, yet necessary decision. And true to form, life handed me several curve balls along the way.

The article was the final collaboration between my Hewlett and me, our grand finale of sorts. Given our time together these past few years it only seemed appropriate that he close this chapter of my life with me. Some may say I'm being overly sentimental over just a piece of hardware. Some would even argue that I shared the same sentiments about my breasts. They wouldn't be entirely wrong. But we can't help the things we find an emotional attachment to, even if to some they seem just an ordinary material object.

I recently recovered many of the files I thought I had lost when Hewlett crashed. Only now, I realize that they were just that: files. Memories I had just carelessly filed away never thinking I would ever need them the way I do now. I made an adult choice to get rid of the very things that were perhaps the only reason I started out on this journey. I then decided to bare that decision, along with my confusion and my soul for the public to bare witness.

Will I catch flack? Of course. Will the haters attend my public tar and feathering? Without question. But will a select few readers actually take the time to get to know the real me, the girl behind the boobs, now that I've again shared my greatest secrets and fears in a most vulnerable state? Well, that's what I'm hoping for.

For the real story, the real heartbreak, and finding the real me among the ruins, be sure and check out the December 2009 edition of Cosmo magazine, on stands now. And as always your comments are welcome.

And to my many online fans, thanks for your continued love and support. I am, and always have been eternally grateful.

20 comments:

swampy said...

As a long time reader from back in the early myspace days, I always was more attracted to to your wit & wisdom.

Best of luck as you go forward in your journey.

Jump and Jive said...

Jenn, all the best to you. Thanks for sharing and being so open. Go enjoy life and be open to all the possibilities.

al said...

Jenn very courageous of you to share this blog, especially with so many fans who you may never actually meet.

I became a fan of yours because of the work you did with SI, not from which you blogged today about. Your blogs are very well written and insightful.

Best of luck to you, personally and with your new computer. Hopefully you stayed PC.

Jordi said...

Jenn - That read almost like the female version of the classic scene from Rock Star, when Mark Wahlberg walked away from Steel Dragons to play accoustic guitar. This may be the 1st time I am looking forward to buying an issue of Cosmo. I wonder if it has any articles on the secret guy language?

Garrett said...

I hope you're feeling well after your surgery and we're all wishing you the best!

anthony0358 said...

I just want to send you my best wishes
Here is to a year of good health, joy and happiness
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us on here

Warren Wallace said...

Holy crap, that's some heavy stuff you just unloaded on us! As for your implants and Hewlett, I say it's natural to get attached to inanimate objects. Who isn't guilty of being sentimentally attached to stuff like that. But, those things don't define who you are as a person. Implants, or no implants, I've joined the ranks of those who admit that reading your blogs are a guilty pleasure b/c I enjoy your openness, your witty sense of humor, and your refreshingly honest opinion of people, and relationships. As long as you keep writing, I'll keep reading. You may catch some flack from the haters about the implants in the short term, but to hell with them. You're good people Jenn, stick with your friends, family, and fans and they'll carry you through!

Chris said...

Well, I guess it will be a big change. You have made an amazing journey so far, mostly by being your own woman. I'm sure this will be something else for you to conquer.

Anonymous said...

NOOOOOOOOOO Say it aint so....the girls will be sorely missed :(

Doug said...

Wow....I applaud you for the courage it must have taken to make the decision to remove your implants. It must not have been an easy decision.

I do know from reading your blog that your implants do NOT define you as a person. They may have helped to open a door or two, but you had to walk through and take advantage, and you definitely did that. That was YOU, not your implants. You seem like a wonderful person on the inside, and your surgery doesn't change that ONE BIT.

Finally, don't focus on what the haters say. Those people can only drag you down and you don't want, or need them in your life. Your true friends and family will be there for you, no matter what. Stay strong and keep looking forward because you have a bright future ahead of you.

Randy C Helms said...

Hey Jen, I hope you the best with your decision because it seems to weigh heavily on your happiness and your well being. I have lived in Tallahasse since 1994 and I remember that fateful night at the Miami game, the night that changed your life. When you leave one path and take another sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't what you expect. But sometimes what you expect and want is just as confusing as what you know and need. I think Hunter S. Thompson was a genius on this query into our iD, damn Maslows laws. You luckily are a very gifted Lady and as you will realize, those that are fans of you now, are fans because of your mind and wit not silicon. Remember a flower has many forms of beauty, it's fragrance, it's visual beauty, it's aura and most importantily, it's very presence. I feel you will come through this with the happiness you desire, but if this is only a quick fix to an end, then take the time to smell the roses, because when they are clipped they always grow back, beautiful as ever.

~Randy
godseye@live.com

Joey said...

Prop's to you Jenn for having more Balls than alot of Guy's I know to share something soooo personel! I continue to get the vibe through your Blogs, that maybe the Big City life isn't for you. I can tell you HATE drama, and in your line of work it's everywhere. You have Backstabbers, Liars, Cheaters, and straight up Tools all around you bringing you down.
I can't say I know you personally, other than a "What's Up" as you and your crew walked past during game day at the Village or a "Hello" on Campus, but I think you need a long Vaca back home down south here. Some Jenn Time if you will to go play in the Mud, the beach, a long boat ride down the Intercoastal, good friends,and some Sweet Tea:)
I wish YOU all the best in your journey! To all your Haters...Suck It!!!

Take care girl!
Joey

Anonymous said...

You are still a VERY BEAUTIFUL woman Jenn!

Burning Chrome said...

wait, what? you had implants? huh.

just kidding, of course...but my point is that the truth is on the path you seek and not the path on which you once traveled...the implants had become a liability, limiting you to only a certain level in your career...besides, i've never really been a breast man...i'm more into a nice tight butt, and as far as i know, you aren't having yours removed... ;)

jason said...

jenn we dont love you for your boobs we love you for the person you are. you are every guys dream girl, smart, funny and stunning. the boobs did not define you, i am sure you are just as beautiful without them. i wish you nothing but luck with all you future endeavors.

Anonymous said...

You had boobs?

You'll always be our cowgirl Jenn!

Anonymous said...

Jenn,

I met you back in the days in tally with the gang at the ale house. You are a great person with a big heart and you will do well in life.

Charles

Anonymous said...

I hope you will post some pictures of the "real" you after the implant removal, so we can decide if we like it better or worse.

Cash said...

Jenn,
Me and the gang at Bushwood Country Club have always though you a cool chick - regardless of your cup size. You are good looking,smart,funny, and certainly well adjusted...life will continue to throw you curve balls,but dont back away. We love ya...and you are welcome at Bushwood any old time... Hang tough

Apricot said...

Important things first - I hope you get a Mac! Seriously, once you try it you won't be able to go back. You owe it to yourself to at least try, especially since cost should be of no concern (you were smart with the money, right?). Plus a stylish dependable Mac suits your image so much better than one of those clunky unreliable PCs :)

All the best with your recovery. I'm sorry to hear about the scars and have nothing but respect for the balls it takes to share this story about yourself with the public. I hope this does good things for your career.