One Man’s Trash…

If you have ever moved from one house to another, then you know what its like to put your life in a box. And if you lived in any one place for more than a year’s time, you know what its like to accumulate a whole lot of junk.

My life has roughly about 3 years of junk. From my Oregon Duck Nike memorabilia to my Kelvin “Sampson-ite” necktie t-shirt… you name it.. I’m sure it is stashed in my closet somewhere. So when my Big Apple came callin,’ my friends, family, and I had to do our best to sort through the madness. And madness was just the tip of the iceberg.

Not one to miss out on a good time or laugh, I did what any woman with a closet full of aged clothing and mountain of shoes would do. I put on the world’s most outdated runway fashion show. Dresses that showed more leg than a bucket of chicken. Shirts that might have fit me two cup sizes ago. And shoes that even the Spice Girls would have been ashamed to wear. How in the hell had I managed to keep all this crap???... Better yet, what sane part of me actually thought that clear platform heels were EVER a good idea except for at bikini contests???..

It’s easy to get sentimental and hold on to things you really don’t need anymore. You hold out hope for as long as humanly possible that the seasons will change and things will come back in style, but really.. they hardly ever do. And if they do, it’s always varied just enough to make your crap seem “vintage.” People are no different. You want to hold out hope for some of them, think they are going to change, so you relentlessly cling to something that just isn’t there anymore… when in reality you should just throw it out. Or even worse… you could be the garbage.

Call me sentimental. Call me a pack rat. My parents just call me a mess. But for some reason I have always had a hard time letting go. Maybe that is why I have jeans that look like they have been attacked by hordes of angry locusts, or maybe just some scissor-happy angst-ridden teens. Maybe that is why I have shoes that are a half size too small, but refuse to let them go for the fact that they are reallllllly killer shoes. And maybe that’s why I have stuck it out in relationships that were all but six feet under. I wanted so desperately to hang on to the happy times, the good times, the times when things were brand new, the times when things looked great, and I was the envy of all my friends. And the times… that it was easy to forget all the nights he made me cry and feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. Just once, I wanted to hand him my size-too-small shoes, and say walk a mile in these… and see what you’ve done. But, nevertheless, I hung on and endured the blisters. Whether I was a glutton for punishment, a slave to fashion, or a sucker for love, I simply would not part with these shoes. And there sat the shoes… in the bottom of a moving box.

Sometimes when people fall so head over heels in love, they become blind to the way others treat them. Since when did it become OK to treat your coworkers, your friends, and even random strangers with more respect than the person you supposedly love??... Why does more face time equal not having to say things like “Please” or “Thank you?” Why does a fleeting guest’s opinion matter more than your other half? Most importantly, what makes their half less important than yours?.. When people cut into pies they should cut them evenly to share. And a partnership is no different. If you’re going to share your life with someone… then, well.. You SHARE your life. The whole thing. Not just the pieces you don’t want for yourself. Not just “the crust” and the “leftovers.” It’s called selflessness, and without a little bit of it, any relationship is doomed for failure.

Sometimes people really don’t realize what they have until it’s gone. One day you will wake up and realize you love them.. only they will be waking up next to the person that already knew. But the thought of seeing that person with someone else is no reason to stay in something that is clearly not working. You simply have to learn when to hold tight and when to let go. You can’t force someone’s puzzle pieces of life fit into your own. They never will, especially if the pieces you’re contributing are still in disarray.

Me? I want someone that wants to have fun with me, laugh with me, and be easy breezy going with me. I want someone that doesn’t make me always feel like it’s my fault, and accepts blame where blame is due. I’m not saying I am always right, and that I am perfect. Because Lord only knows I am far from that. But I am a genuine person. I’m a good person. And I believe in treating others they way I want to be treated. I don’t want to spend my years on this earth, drowning in a box of crappy, unhappily ever after memories, and dreams of “what could have been.” Better yet, I don’t want to end up on the style networks episode of What Not to Wear, just because I couldn’t part with some crappy outdated footwear.

When you find the right person, there is not feeling of obligation to be around them. You won’t feel trapped. You will have a choice. But being in love, you’ll feel like you could never want to them to stay away. They can’t stand to NOT be around you as much as you can’t bear to be without them. It’s not tying one another down, it’s giving them the choice to spend time with you or not. And the answer never being “no.”

If you can honestly say there is someone you would RATHER spend time with than that person... well, then maybe that means you really aren't meant for one another. Besides, shouldn’t the person you’re with BE your best friend???

In the days when everyone is trying to find new ways to go green.. I say why not find ways to be less mean. No one deserves to be treated like a lesser person. No one deserves to feel their opinion is any less important. And no one should ever feel disposable. And if you can’t appreciate the things you have, then some one else certainly will.

As I combed through the last of the boxes, I couldn’t help but find certain items a tad sentimental. My letter jacket from my days in the marching band. My senior year prom dresses. The sweater I wore on my very first date. Stuff that seemed relatively invaluable to me. Then I realized I was hanging on to memorabilia that I really had no use for anymore. My high school prom was downright misery. There have been plenty of dates since the first one. And the letter jacket. Well, I kinda like that one... so, I guess that can stay. Throwing out the garbage of the past ten years of life can be both a little sad, and a little scary, until you realize you are really just making space for all new memories and people in your future.

But what about these shoes?..These once so perfect, once so en vogue shoes?.. Did these really belong in my life, let alone in my closet???.. The more I looked at them, I realized I had to try them on.. just one last time. Fiddling with the clasps, and all the stupid little straps, I remembered why I never wore these things. These amazing shoes, these one of a kind shoes.. were really just.. “ISH-“ shoes. And I had had enough. There would be many Manolo Blahnik’s, other Jimmy Choo’s, and plenty of Christian Louboutin’s, but there was only one me. And I was tired of sacrificing my comfort, and happiness just to please everyone else. I had no more than cast them to the side, when my friend’s ten year old daughter Tori, picked them up and put them on… as if they were a brand new pair. Then again, to her… that’s exactly what they were. A little too big, a little clunky, but they did make her smile. Maybe it is all right to let go of things we no longer see as a part of our lives, and allow others to cast us from theirs. It may hurt at first, but we’ve got to remember that out there.. there is a perfect match for each of us… our SOLE mate if you will. You just have to keep looking. And as for the things that cease to make us smile… Well, you know what they say. One man’s garbage is another man’s girlfriend.

Now, what am I gonna do with all these boxes???....