Timing

I've dated plenty of amazing people since my first date at 15 years old. Hell, I didn't get my first kiss 'til I was 16. By today’s standards, I think that makes me a late bloomer, or possibly just extremely prude. Whatever, I went through an awkward stage, don't judge me!

Now, 10 years later.. I'm celebrating my ten year anniversary. My reunion of boyfriends past. There have been plenty of amazing candidates that, given a different circumstance -- a different time, a different place-- they'd have made excellent life partners in crime. But for one reason or another they simply didn't work out.

I have my dating ups and downs like anyone else, but the last major relationship I had really opened my eyes to something. Maybe that's because he thinks this new girl he is seeing could be "the one."

I'm not sure I believe in the whole concept of "the one:" the idea that there is only one person out there that we’re supposed to mesh with. So if you don't find them, you're doomed to wander the Earth the rest of your years.. alone.

In fact, I come from the school of thinking that it’s all about timing. Men don't necessarily marry the best woman for them, more likely the woman at the best time for them. The high school girlfriend may have put up with you and varsity football practice for four years. Your serious college girlfriend endured countless drunken mishaps with you for two. I mean, these women paid their dues. But unless the guy is at the point in his life he feels he can honestly settle down, then it’s really just time wasted.

I can think of one instance in my own life where this case is more than likely true. You may remember this guy from another blog I wrote last November… “The 27 Dresses” guy. He has since been dating the girl I selflessly helped him score. And I haven’t seen him since.

To better understand the situation, I have to give you a little bit of background. The way things ended with the two of us was.. Bizarre. Because they didn't necessarily end, they just went on an extended vacation without notice. Luckily enough for him I'm not the kind of girl to hold grudges, so we remain close friends. I’d be lying, however, if I said I didn't get a little messed up every time we ran into one another. That's because there's still a ton of lingering feelings and tension. For both of us. Too bad were both too career focused and busy to ever really put forth a concerted effort to ask questions or try make it work. When we lived in the same town, it had a chance, but now that were a two and a half hour plane ride away? Well, $hit was nearly impossible.

So imagine my surprise when I found out he was in town this past week and wanted to catch up. Sounded innocent enough. I mean, we were after all friends. That is, until I saw him coming down his hotel escalator, grinning from ear to ear. He had actually managed to put on a nice collared shirt, which for him is practically dressed for a gala at the Moma. And damn him.. He looked better than I remembered.

Then the little voice inside my head bitch slapped my subconscious.

Easy Sterg. We've already been here before, and he's broken our heart more times than the Mets (which in this case is somehow, ironic).

So we set off on our night’s quest: to find the last few minutes of the Houston/Lakers game, and grab a few drinks. Only neither of us knew Times Square. What was supposed to be a quick walk under awnings, turned into a long walk in the rain. At least I had been smart enough to bring my hoodie. Him on the other hand?? Well, I never said he was a brain surgeon.

There we were, running in the rain, dodging puddles, and trying our damnedest to find some obscure sports bar with the game on. But everything within walking distance had closed. So we ended up at a random bar, in a random part of midtown, with no sports scores to distract us. And then, things got awkward.

It’s hard to put up a poker face when the person staring back at you is just as capable at playing the same games you can. They’re just as capable of pulling the same BS, and they know your next move sometimes even before you do. We were just like Rocky and Apollo. We made for great sparring partners, trusted companions, and sometimes.. Even lovers. (Ok, well.. Maybe not the last part, but you totally understood where I was going with that. Then again, there was that one weird beach workout montage. :::shakes head to erase image:::)

First, comes the small talk: about jobs, about family, about pets. And then, about dating. He informed me he was still seeing the girl I helped set him up with, but wasn't really happy. The girl he had built up in his head as some dream girl was proving to be a colossal headache. I, on the other hand, was still single, and while I wasn't happy, I've just been entirely too busy to date anyone. As the alcohol flowed, he quickly began to unload his baggage on me.

"She picks fights with me in public and you know I can't stand my business out there like that. She gets obsessed with being seen, and the drama, and.. don't get me started about money. I dunno Jenn. You were just never like that. You were the kinda girl that was content with blue jeans and a baseball hat, and a six pack of beer. We never had to impress each other. And you enjoy your privacy as much as I do.”

"So, why stick with it if you're not happy?” I asked. “It’s not like you're the kinda guy that has trouble getting girls. You just tend to fall for the wrong ones."

He nodded shamefully and took a swig from his Jack and coke.

"You’re right. I need a girl that has her own thing going on. This one just has too much time on her hands, and she's driving me crazy. I mean she tried to move in with me! I got news for her, $hit ain't happening. I mean, I don’t want to date someone whose only ambition is to be a club rat. Sometimes Jenn, I just dunno if I want a girlfriend. Other times I think, maybe this one just isn't the one."

I'm thinking. Well, duh you moron. He never seemed to know what he wanted. He just always wanted whatever he thought he couldn’t have. But, part of knowing someone the way we know each other.. is understanding the parts of the person that no one else sees. He really needed someone that understood him, his quirks, his obsession for Guitar Hero, and his demanding career. He and I have been down this road many-a-times. He just always ended up being distracted along the way, too much to see what's been right in front of him all along.

I could see the wheels in his brain turning, and the poor hamster doing its best to keep up.

“So,” he asked, “what about you??.. Any new developments in the love life department?”

"HA. Hardly. And if it makes you feel any better,” I conceded, “you were right about THAT guy too. He was clearly just out for a piece, but at least you warned me before it was too late."

"Yeah, I'm sorry Jenn. It’s just, you’re genuinely a good person. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt again. People talk, and I had heard a few things. I just felt like you should know what you were getting into. I felt like $hit telling you. But, its better you found out now before it got serious, right?"

"Yeah, I guess"

He clearly had more to say, but he’s never been the greatest of communicators. Then again, what men really are??

Last call came and went rather quickly, and the two of us walked back to his hotel. The silences were long.. And again, very awkward. I mean, what are two people in this position supposed to say?

Finally, I'd had enough of the bull$hit.

I turned to him and said, "Look, we both know there is something there. We end up in this same place, same predicament every time, with the same result: both of us messed up in the head. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome. I’ll always be there for you, but I'm tired of being your life coach while some other girl reaps all the benefits. So we can continue to pretend like this conversation never happened if it helps you to sleep at night, but me? I'm tired of denying the obvious."

I kissed his cheek, wished him well, and turned to walk away. He just stood there, once again dumbfounded. I continued my walk home in the rain by myself sans umbrella, but for some strange reason I didn’t really mind. In the course of your adult life you’re bound to encounter a storm or two, you just have to learn to dance in the rain. Here I was, just embracing it. After all, life isn’t just about the things you do, but the things that simply happen to you. I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome, but I do know that on any given day you can step out your front door, and your whole life can change. That’s because the universe has a plan for all of us. And that plan is always in motion. It’s scary how all these seemingly little things all add up to make sure you end up at exactly the right place, at the right time… right where you we always supposed to be.

My time in New York may not have worked out exactly the way I had planned, but it was all leading me to my next journey, right? Life had thrown me a couple of curve balls, but I was somehow still in the game. And there was no doubt in my mind that this would not be our last at bat. It was simply the end of another inning. There would always be a next time. And who knows?? Maybe then things would be different. Maybe it would be the right place, and the right time… where things would all make better sense. For both of us. Because it’s really all about the timing, isn't it?