Maybe it was just sheer curiosity of what their life was like before us, but for some reason people can't help but wonder about their "present’s" past. Who came before us? What were they like? Why didn't they work out? Then somewhere our curiosity gets the better of us and we're bound to destroy our future before it even gets its legs. Looks like the cat wasn't the only thing that bit the big one. Unless you've only encountered one person since you left the womb, odds are you have a past and a few skeletons in your closet. For me though? The only thing in my closet is a crap-load of shoes and some Jets gear. Time after time again, as relationships try and fail (as they sometimes do) I've always tried to remain cordial with exes. Hell, some of them are my best friends. Others.. Well we are friendly, but it’s just better for us to not be active in each other's lives. Usually for unresolved issues, questions about would we or wouldn't we in a different place or time, sometimes you just realize you and the person really had zero in common. Whatever. We all have our reasons. It just always was better to move on, and send a postcard. After all, you can't have a perfect future if your past is always present. How's that for a grammar lesson?
If you dig deep enough you could find dirt on just about any one. But why soil your chance at a legit future? Particularly the question of "numbers."
So this buddy of mine comes to me in a panic over the girl he has been seeing because he finds out she was bragging about..uh.. "played Scrabble" with a lot of people in Collegetown, USA.
I know you're all thinking, well.. Of course she's played Scrabble before, we all played Scrabble as a kid. Well, of course, we all played silly games like Scrabble when we were younger.. But when you're an adult there's this whole new kind of "Scrabble" you get to play. A game where the words aren't quite as important so much as the letters you choose to make them with. The more letters you use, the more "rare" the letters, the more points you have. As a kid when you played games it was the person with the highest score that won. But as an adult, the higher your Scrabble score.. Well, the people you date begin to think you're a Scrabble whore.I know you're probably saying.. “Dude, Scrabble is just a fun game. Everyone’s doing it.” Yeah, of course everyone's doing it, it's just one of those basic instincts that kicks in during our teenage years, and becomes our addiction for years to come, the Holy Grail in a quest to find the perfect Scrabble opponent.
Some search their entire lives for the "one" worthy Scrabble opponent, while others will play with just about anyone for fear of being lonely, or to get their rocks off.
So that night, when Cliché A$$hole BBM’d me (that would be ‘Chasing Amy’). Our conversation went something like this:
Cliché A$$hole: So I asked her what her “number” was.
Chasing Amy: Bro… what were you thinking??... :::slaps forehead:::
Cliché A$$hole: I dunno dude. But.. she admitted it. So, we broke up.
Chasing Amy: Could it have really been that bad dude?.. Was it worth breaking up for? I mean, no one is perfect…
Cliché A$$hole: She made me look like an amateur, and I’m not exactly a saint. She definitely holds the high score on this one.
Chasing Amy: "High score? What does that mean? Did she break it?” Sorry.. couldn’t resist man. I really think the two of you just need time to think this through. Is this really worth losing her over???
But for C.A., there was no thinking. He had already made up his mind. Repulsed by her awesome Scrabble playing abilities, he calls her a few choice words. She returns the favor, and minutes later.. Game over...
I began to ask myself.. was knowing the truth really all that important? Was knowing her number what defined her as a person? If he loved the girl, he'd love her unconditionally, no matter what her Scrabble high score was.
One thing’s for sure, one is still the loneliest number. While you always want to think you're different or special to your Scrabble opponent, you also have to remember they are human beings with egos, with vulnerability. No one's perfect, and if you're waiting around for the person that's still a scrabble virgin, well good luck with that. They only get harder to find as you get older.
So until you do, practice safe Scrabble, and always play by the rules especially when hearts are involved. Who knows.. That heart may one day be yours.
4 comments:
high score, low score, no score...whatever...it's but one small bit of trivia in a complex life of another human being. and yet it's one of those things that people--as you so eloquently point out--get hung up on and it causes them no shortness of pain. why? it says more about the person who has the bad reaction than it does about the person with whatever score it is...it's an insecurity.
personally, i don't care. it makes you who you are; it's a part of your life history and you wouldn't be the person you are right now if it was something different. besides, you can't go back and undo it--you can only get a higher score.
and for the record, i stopped counting when my score reach a score. what about you? ;)
Why ask a question to which there is no right answer? Why, I say? I refuse to answer honestly & will make up a random number when asked (I like 732), because what wonderful potential partner wants to hear "I dunno, under 100 I guess"?
I think you're absolutely right. Everyone has a past and unfortunately, it almost always ruins your future with "Ms. Right" before it even starts. Everyone is so quick to pass judgement on the next person without even really looking at themselves first. To be brutally honest, no one would be who they are today, without the mistakes they made and learned from yesterday. No one is born as the person they become. A pearl always starts out as a piece of dirt. It's too bad that so many relationships, whether they are romantic or not, are destroyed by ego's and judgements on a past that may or may not have any bearing on the present. I enjoyed reading this Jenn. Thanks!
Well for start, evaluating the past is never wrong; after all if we don’t learn from the past then we’ll never be able to move forward.
It’s true we all have skeletons on our closets and I believe that that is the same for you, come on Jenn…shame the Devil and tell the truth, are you going to tell me and everyone in the world that you are the only person without secrets.
Don’t get me wrong, your secrets are yours alone I don’t even want to know what you don’t want to share, that’s only natural after all.
Now, the Scrabble situation is at the very best one of the most idiotic things I ever heard.
What kind of a man (if we can call him that) ends a relationship just because is girlfriend has more experience in life or has you said at Scrabble (nice maneuver by the way).
But in the end you ended seeing what I had told in your “Big Bang Theory” blog entry, the truth can be as painful as a lie.
She was truthful and look what that got her, a one way ticket to “Get out of my life”.
She did the right thing, and personally I don’t see what the big problem was…
Did he felt intimidated by her?!
Did he felt less of a man because she had more experience that him?!
I personally can only wonder and I did so for about lest say 1 minute, because honestly there is only one conclusion to what he did, and it was that he acted like an a$$hole.
Is also true that One is the loneliest number, but from my experience better to be alone that with some one that doesn’t appreciates or can understand that our lives don’t start when we are in a relationship, but rather from the moment we are born.
And that Jenn I believe is the problem with today’s couples, they either expect too much from one another or they expect too little.
I’m talking about my own experiences and what I’ve heard and seen; it’s simply incredible the confusion and false notions on peoples minds about what a relationship is about.
I’ve seen and heard it all; “She makes more money than me, if she thinks I’m going to roll over like a pet she’s totally crazy” she might never do that and probably never will but in the back of the other person mind there is already a gap starting to eat away that relationship; “If he thinks that just because we are together that I have to put up with his lame ass excuse of friends then his out of his mind” right there, there’s already one of them trying to dictate rules to the other and that always ends out badly…
What I’m trying to say is that people just aren’t willing to make the big efforts anymore; it is the easy way or no way at all.
Me I’m still on the look out for my right Scrabble partner, it isn’t like I’m obsessed by it, if I find her great if I don’t well then I’ll just have to settle for less than I hope for (another reason for failed relationships, contenting for less than one hopes for always brings issues in the long run).
And one last thing Jenn although in real Scrabble the rules are clear and simple, in life and relationships your rules may not be the same rules the person you like.
Maybe one day we will find what we are looking for, who knows?!
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