Monday, March 02, 2009

Who's Number 1??

ADMIN UPDATE: OK, ya, these last few posts by Jenn are a little late...sorry...I'll get better...:)

It’s 20-some-odd degrees outside right now. Earlier today, we had this winter mix crap roll through, which for those unfamiliar with northeast weather terminology… it sucks. It’s kind of like snow, but enough like rain to leave you soaking wet and miserable. Why on earth did I even bother leaving my house???..

Though, this was not my first winter in NYC, it has certainly been the least interrupted one. I haven’t made as many jaunts down to Florida to visit my friends and family. And that alone has left this Southern belle feeling a little down in the dumps. How else are you supposed to feel when every day you look out your window it’s gray, murky, and misery? Even when the sun rolls in, it’s really only a farce to lure you outside long enough for you to realize that it is in fact.. still 20 degrees. Sucker.

While football is kicking up, and your days at Jones Beach are dwindling, more and more people are coupling up and setting in for a long winter’s… “something.” It was during a weekend afternoon, commonly referred to as Sunday Funday that I was introduced to the theory of “Winter Number 1’s and Winter Number 2’s.” The theory behind this “ingenious” idea was that you paired up with a designated someone of the opposite sex, in order to have a cuddle buddy for the rest of winter. A guy picks a girl they don't mind spending time with, so long as it’s freezing outside and bar hopping with their buddies is a lot less appealing. Once summer’s warm temperatures roll in, and you all report to your summer houses of debauchery along whatever shore it is you prefer, your relationship status becomes null and void. Many women up here are totally familiar with this dating concept. In fact, up here, it appears to be much of a standard procedure. – And for those of you playing the home edition, you may be asking yourself, why is there a Winter Number 2??.. Well, everyone needs a back up plan.

This whole notion of winter relationships though has one giant flaw. People, real people, have feelings. At some point, between the bar crawling, weekend afternoons of awesomeness, and huddling for warmth, something no one expects happens. You have that one moment where you stop and think to yourself, this could actually be perfect, this could be something more. That’s the difference; More times than not, its fairly easy to dismiss certain people or random dates from our lives because, there was never that moment of “clarity.” In fact. I usually have just the opposite. I have that, “well, this will be fun while it lasts” moment. But, with the real deal, you discover you have created actual memories about specific events the two of you have shared. Thus, the whole premise behind Winter 1’s and 2’s is severely flawed, unless you can find a girl that is a willing participant in your shenanigans. But, odds are if she is willing to take part in your games, then she is probably playing her own, Milton Bradley. And is that the kind of woman you really want to have a relationship, let alone a physical one with anyway?

For me, it’s hard to wrap my head around the idea of someone being disposable just because of a change in seasons. It’s that very naivety that may have actually made me a victim of this foreign concept a time or two myself. I’d try to play like I understood the rules of the game, when in reality it was much more like a kid trying to play rugby that had spent most of his life playing American football. The balls may look similar, but that is where the comparisons end. I’d try to be lighthearted about the fact I knew this relationship would last as long as a newly bought carton of milk in my fridge, but in reality the idea of knowing how this story would end was quite disheartening. I once joked that I would have my lawyer draw up standard papers for our imminent divorce, to which everyone would just smile and laugh, but in reality, I was like a clown at the circus: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

Part of being one of the guys is unfortunately saying things you think men want to hear, or that make you appear to not be the glass case of emotion so many women are. You are constantly thinking like a man, and in his lifestyle, that you often lose track of why he may have actually liked you in the first place. Maybe that is why I constantly find myself trapped in the friend zone. Because while guys may respect a woman for being an independent, Angelina Jolie-esque, “I don’t need a man” bad ass, it often leads to nothing more than a few good nights of debauchery with the guys. Some would argue my outlook on life would make me a perfect candidate for a winter girlfriend. I’m fun, outgoing, can hang with the fellas, but in reality they couldn’t be further from the truth. Behind the ballsy tough girl exterior, is a super sensitive Southern girl, with larger than life feelings. And girls with feelings, well.. we just don’t make good Winter girlfriends.

When I told some of my friends down south about this “Winter 1’s & 2’s” theory, most just seemed baffled. Don’t get me wrong, my guy friends down south are far from angelic, and have done their fair share of slimy things in their day, but this whole concept of having girls be willing participants in this game, was just mind-blowing. And don’t get me started on my girlfriend’s opinions on the subject. They hated the fact that the relationship was essentially dead in the water from day one, because its days were precisely calculated with the changing of the seasons. Some argued whether or not a winter girlfriend could ever become something more. But one brought up the interesting hypothetical: “If someone told you how your relationship would play out from beginning to end, would you still go through with it?” It was one of those questions that sparked a lot of heated debate amongst the girls, simply because as cynical as I may appear, I am a true romantic at heart and I want to believe that anything is possible. But, when someone tells you there is absolutely no future possible between you two, is the juice really worth the squeeze??

Can Winter Number Ones and Twos ever evolve, or are they destined to be just that? It would be a shame to never see the full range in dynamics of a person in the different seasons. Think of all the cool things you'll miss by not seeing this scenario really play out: Opening day at Yankee stadium, Fourth of July fireworks, the public drunkenness of a Hoboken St Patty’s day.. I mean, you haven’t even seen them in a swimsuit yet. The point is, for all the special memories you can create in winter they'll never compare to the potential ones you could create in the warmth of summer. Like many, I'm a happier person in spring and summer and parts of fall only because I don't cope well with winter, when seasonal depression is in full effect.

If two people turn out to be truly compatible, well... they're only cheating themselves by putting punctuation at the end of a relationship that isn’t complete yet. I guess, at some point, you have to be ready to draw a line in the snow and say I want more than this. If they aren't willing to pony up, then maybe Winter Number 2 will. Besides, baseball season is only weeks away… a new season, a new start, and everyone starts off with the perfect record.


iwatchthenba said...

So, you've got a problem ending up in the friend-zone because you're too much of a guys guy? You go on to say that part of your issue is the fact that you are truly a "girl", emotional, a hopeless romantic, etc. I'm curious, where exactly is it that you find guys? I mean, every guy that goes through a similar problem usually ends up discovering that the root of the problem is that they don't know exactly what they are looking for in that girl. What I suggest you do is to sit down and really think about what it is you want in a partner. A long-term partner, a short-term partner, hell, even a one-nighter, if that's what you want. Without having a firm grasp of what you are looking for and simply waiting for that "feeling" to show up is going to lead to a long line of not quite and almost there guys. You may even encounter some things you didn't know about yourself, which is always helpful.

Random Me fact: in my own relationships, I always seek to help and provide advice, even when it may not be the best course of action. I just always like to help, in a leading sort of way. But I also like girls that can handle their own s**t. Quite the dichotomy, no?

Veritas said...

So is cold where you live, day and night.
Well its life, or better yet, a way of nature showing you that everything changes, everything has to change.
Now about that winter number 1 and 2 theory, it just isn’t for me.
Like you said it very well, people have feelings, and I just couldn’t do that to someone, having a fake relationship just so I would have some company in the winter nights, is out of the menu for me.
Sometimes I wander what happen to people being simply honest, now there’s even a winter relationship theory, what will people think up next?!
Next it may appear a “summer” theory, or a “How to not stay without sex” theory, or even “You don’t have a partner?! Then steal your friends partner” theory.
Where will it end, I wonder?!
For me Jenn, I just don’t want any theories of that sort, it simply isn’t for me, and nothing and no one will ever change that.