Saturday, November 29, 2008

The Quarter Century Crisis

There are many milestones we reach in our lives that open for us the next chapter in our existence. There are some that open with a fanfare and have you jumping for joy, while others have us fearing for our lives, and running to our plastic surgeons office.

First there was the obsession with the whole “getting to drive” thing. There was nothing like having your first taste of freedom, the kind where you roll your windows down, blare something other than your dad’s brand of classic rock, and say… “Screw you guys; I can drive myself to the mall.” No longer were you those kids loitering outside the movie theater, because now, you could come and go as you please. Take that officer.

Then, there was the whole “I’m a legal adult” thing. Congrats, now you can vote, be those teenagers giggling in the aisles of the porn store, buy your own cigarettes, and oh yeah, get arrested and be put in jail … and your parents can’t come bail your ass out.

Finally, there was the “Yes sir, I’d like another… and sure you can see my ID” thing. You’d flash that baby everywhere you went, because now.. the picture was actually yours, and you no longer needed to convince your older brother’s friends the merits of buying you beer. And you suddenly began to wake up with many more headaches than you used to.

Sigh. Is it just me, or have these supposed landmark moments of our lives have gotten progressively a whole lot less significant as we have gotten older?.. Or seriously, is it REALLLLLLY just me?... Have I gotten to the age where I stop counting birthdays???..

As I looked into the mirror at my one year older self, I realized I was staring gravity in the face. What were these lines underneath my eyes? Why did my ass suddenly seem to belong in a sir mix a lot video? And what the @#$! are THOSE??????????..

There they were, like a tombstone marking the end of my youth, two grey hairs. There is absolutely no frickin' way this was happening to me. Surely, I had to just be going blond. I mean, I always thought I had blond moments, and at least now I would have an excuse. But alas. upon further examination, it was concluded they were in fact… GREY hairs.

Calm down Jenn. Seriously, there is no reason to panic. After all, you have been under an enormous amount of stress as of late. So why don’t you just grab those tweezers, rip them out and no one will ever have to know.

WAIT!... Doesn’t everyone say that if you rip out one, two grow in its place???.. Pshhhh…

Silly old wives tale. And damn it. I am NOT old.

I guess I could just leave them there. But then, what would all the guys say?.. I like older women??.. You have the same color hair as my grandmother??.. Yeah, total game killer. These babies HAD to go.

One box of chocolate brown hair color, and a super long shower later, I emerged a newer, bolder, and certainly younger looking version of myself.

“Notice anything?” I asked my parents as I did a quick spin for approval.

“You got a new outfit??” my mom asked.

“Nooooooo, what about you dad???”

My father just stared at me blankly, as he like most men wouldn’t notice if I dressed in a clown costume, so long as I didn’t come home with any weird tattoos or crazy piercings. Sigh. MEN.

Maybe I had just over reacted. Maybe I wasn’t really getting older. Maybe, just maybe I had forgotten how to have fun and just be a kid again.

Your twenties are supposed to be the best years of your life, right?.. Or at least that is what everyone tells you anyway. So why had the first half of my twenties slipped away from me seemingly in one big blur??

Why was everyone so obsessed with age anyway?.. It’s just a number. And you’re only as old as you feel. And on most days, I felt just fine. In fact, I feel better than fine. I feel twenty something and fabulous.

Suddenly the lines around my eyes had diminished into nothing. Sir Mix A Lot videos seemed a helluva lot more en vogue. And Jenn Sterger?.. Was back to her old rockstar self.

Oh… and the grey hairs, you ask?.. those bitches still gotta go.. Sorry George Clooney and Brett Favre, there are certain fashion trends no girl should ever touch.


Happy birthday, Jenn!!! Nothing better than a Saturday birthday, so enjoy the birthday weekend...Best of luck to the 'Noles and the Jets!!

PS: Hope you enjoyed the pics I added.. :)

2 comments: said...

Yep, Happy birthday. Keep up the good work - our good luck charm!

Veritas said...

This text sure was funny as hell I’m still laughing.
First I most say that for me the first taste of freedom was when I could go out at night and come home in the morning and nobody would ask me a single question.
The driving thing was also fun, not only is it important to go anyplace you want but in terms of having a job going on the bus to work is the lamest thing that as ever existed (besides disco), anybody that touches the radio on my car is in danger of getting their hands broken (just kidding, but really don’t touch my radio).
Freedom is a marvelous and dangerous thing, depending on how smart you are or how sober, it is a blade that cuts both ways.
Yes, we can show our ID; flash that thing like it was going to buy us all the stuff that until then it was denied to us, but that’s a wrong conception, it’s just a phase in our ever changing and understandable life.
And those landmarks you where referring to, they don’t get less significant, we are the ones that stop noticing the subtle changes in our life and by the time that we stop to think about them they are already gone.
So you went berserk over two gray hairs?
It’s understandable that to a woman it may seem the end of world, the coming of the apocalypse, it’s like you are earring the sounds of the four knights of doomsday coming to end it all, but that’s all in your mind.
I know it is an all different scenario but when I was 15 I started noticing that my hair was falling like crazy, and naturally I consulted an specialist that told me I had a genetic problem that was causing my hair to fall, when he said those words to me it was like somebody just shoot me in the head.
I asked the doctor if there was a solution to my problem, and like all doctors he gave me a solution, only it was a solution that I and most people in my country couldn’t afford.
I had to take hormones pills for the rest of my life, and because not just any type of treatment would work he said I had to take the strongest stuff there was, so I said to him “Ok doctor, how much it is going to cost me?” and like a A bomb thrown in my lap he said “The pills are very expensive one box would cost 500$, and each box only lasted a month” you can see my situation, there was no way in hell I could afford that type of treatment.
I felt like my life was over, damn I enter a depression that even today I don’t know how I got over it.
The months started passing and I could see the effects on my hair, then something hit me and I made a choice that up until this day I don’t regret, I started shaving my hair and still had allot of it to go around, but I thought to myself “If is going to happen better getting used to it”.
And up until now I still shave my hair, I wasn’t going to let a thing like my hair destroy my life.
And fact is that doing that didn’t affect me at all, in fact it freed me from the source of my problem.
Of course to you Jenn that would really had been the end not of your life but of being where you are now.
So what, you had two gray hairs?!
You dealt with the problem and moved on.
You are still beautiful, you have your brains, and most importantly people that are there for you.
Remember that fame is a fragile thing today you are on top; tomorrow you could become yesterday news.
And what are going to do? Give up? Are you going to cry over the past? Think that your life is over?
You are going to be same Jenn you have always been, you are strong and smart and you have the determination of a lioness, if one day the fame is all gone you still are going to have your family and friends, those that are there with you and those like me that are thousand of miles away.