New Year… New Me

Every year millions of Americans make resolutions to better their lives from the way it was the year before. Well, I am no different. Each year I get suckered into setting some completely unreasonable goal that I am supposed to have fulfilled by the time the ball drops 365 days later. Among my list of failures includes going to the gym every day, keeping my car washed, and making my bed. This year needs to be different. Instead of making over some physical aspect of my life, I want to overhaul my perception of it.

Ever since I was little my mother has dubbed me the pessimist of the family. And even back then I would respond: I’m not a pessimist, just a realist. I gave up on thinking that everything in life could really be a lot worse than it was, and dwelled on what my life was missing and what would fill the voids.

Fast forward to 2007, I am twenty three. I am unmarried. Without kids. And back at home as I finish up my last credit hours of undergrad, while continuing my work with CNNSI. And it suits me just fine. Why the new lease on life? I just figure it was time to drop the baggage that has been plaguing me for the past few years of my life.
The past two years of my life have been nothing but chaotic, but they have forced me to live outside the box in both my thinking, my planning, and my general views on life. I’ve come to realize I don’t have to view things in only black and white… or even shades of gray. My life is in color. A huge messy palette of color. I may not always like everything about the picture, in all its individual parts, but when I step back and view it as a whole; I realize it’s the big picture that counts.

2006 brought me more than I could ever imagine. I loved, I laughed, and I lost, while all the while not losing sight of who I am. I realize that not everyone in life will like me, or my views, and while some may love me others will wish I would just step in font of a bus. And that’s perfectly fine. You can’t please everyone, nor can you expect them to please you. It’s not logical. Besides if you sit around and wait for others to make you happy, you will only wind up disappointed.

I’m eternally grateful for the things, people, and opportunities God has bestowed upon my life in the past year. I’ve discovered my life is really just a bus that’s still in route to an unknown destination. Some will get on my bus and may get off after a block or two, while others may stick around for the ride in all its crazy twists and turns. The ones who prove themselves untrue???.. Well, their pass to ride this bus has expired.

On being single… it’s really not as bad as it looks. Honestly, I doubt there are many men in this world that could possibly understand where I am at in life or what I do. How can I expect them to?.. They see the pictures. That is all. They don’t know me. They see the push up bras, the make up, the boots, and a hat. End of story. When I show up to a date in no make-up, my sweats, and the hair tucked under a baseball hat, that’s when they get the real me. I’m not trying to scare them into thinking I look like the crypt keeper, but I am not gonna falsely advertise who I am outside of “work.” So many of my friends jumped into ill-fated marriages, and some went as far as to think adding a plus one to their family would make the situation better? Who are they kidding? We’re young and still figuring out who we are, and you can’t do that if you are with someone that makes you be something you are not.

Losing love hurts, but so does caring about someone that can’t have the same feelings for you. People often begin relationships with all kinds of emotional baggage they refuse to part with from previous relationships. How can you expect to move into the future if your past is present? We all have our pasts, our ex’s, and our memories, but you can’t base your current situation off of previous ones or they will be doomed to fail from the start. When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know someone else’s life and feelings unless you put yourself in their shoes. Some people are settling down, some are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less. And I choose to settle for nothing less than “butterflies” and a smile every time I see my other half. I will not subject my self to remain in a situation that makes me anything but happy. I want a guy that realizes its not grand gestures that prove I am his life, but the little things to let me know I am the first thing he thinks of when he rolls out of bed, and the last thing he dreams of before falling asleep. I know that there will be times when one or both of us want out, but I can guarantee that if I didn’t at least try and give it a shot I could spend the rest of my life wondering... what could have been because being my stubborn self, I would never admit that he was really the one for me.

“What if Price Charming had never shown up? Do you think Snow White would have just laid there in that glass box forever? Hardly. She would have sat up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health care plan, a new hair cut, and moved on with her life.”

Besides, who needs a Prince when you have friends and family like mine? Because no matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you will never get through it without them.

The glass is only as full as you let life pour it. You can cover the lid and say “when” or you can come back and ask for seconds. Because when it comes to life, there is no such thing as an overindulgence of “living,” only the regret that you didn’t live enough before last call came around. 2006 left my cup a little on the empty side, but 2007 begs to be different. I have new friends, new opportunities, and a new lease on life. And maybe if I am lucky… someday my Prince will quit being stubborn long enough to quit being lost... stop and ask for directions.